Partner of a Pilot
The Candid Diary of an Airline Pilot’s Girlfriend

Hopes and Fears

My pilot is in the skies somewhere overhead as I type this. He has been away almost 11 days.  He was only supposed to be gone for 6.  He is on his way home from Asia on what should only have been an 8 or 9 hour flight.  He sent me a text 10 hours ago saying he was about to take off, and I can’t help but feel nervous.  He is flying home in the middle of this volcanic ash crisis and I just want him safely on the ground and home with his arms around me.  I just rang his airline to see what time he is due to land and where, and they have told me that he should be landing in an hour or 2 at an airport about 3 hours away by car… He wasn’t scheduled to land there as far as I know, but as long as he makes it home to UK soil safely, I honestly couldn’t care where he lands!

I feel sick with nerves, and just want to hear that he is safe. I know that his airline would not fly if they believed it was unsafe; and even if they would, he wouldn’t… My current paranoid state of mind though, is running through all of the ‘glass half empty’ scenarios in my mind.  I am not normally a negative person, but I feel like I’m cursed at the moment.  Recently when a friend who was trying to comfort me told me ‘at least I had my memories, and that nothing could take those away.’  I told her that Alzheimer’s could, and that with my luck the way it was, I wouldn’t rule it out right now.

I don’t know how I could cope if I ever had a knock at my door to tell me that something awful had happened to Bf!  I have no idea how plane crash pilot wives do it…  I guess you never do unless it happens.

Any way, moving away from talk of plane crashes, I have to go and see the vicar tomorrow about my father’s memorial service, and I should really be in bed now resting, but I cant. I am running on empty until Bf gets home… Getting through things. I had a bit of an issue at work today. I don’t think I am making the best impression in my new job, but to be honest, I don’t much care.  Actually that’s a lie, I do care… Just not as much as I would have done 3 weeks ago.  Today the HR representative suggested that I might like to leave and return to work after my father’s memorial service.  She said that my line manager told her I was not the same woman that they interviewed a month ago… No shit Sherlock!

I do hope that Bf’s plane is safe, and that the engines are ash-free, beyond that, I don’t give a damn about much else at all right now.


One Response to “Hopes and Fears”

  1. aww sounds like you’re having such an awful time! I hope you feel much better soon… I hope by now that bf has managed to get home and baby can celebrate her birthday (please update us) things are looking a bit more positive in the world of aviation for the UK but I totally understand why you were concerned esp in light of recent events in your life, I am a born worrier about these things. I hope work gets better too, I am sure they undersand how hard it must be for you at the moment hence why they have made the suggestion that you have some time until your dads memorial service, hopefully bf will be back for that now too so should be a little better for you. Keep us updated on everything as thinking of you xx

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