Partner of a Pilot
The Candid Diary of an Airline Pilot’s Girlfriend

I’m having a self-pity-party, and you’re all invited…

I just NEEDED to post and vent my frustration and upset, so please excuse my negative outburst… I’m really suffering tonight; not feeling at all well and I can’t sleep because of the disgusting, acrid, chemical taste in my mouth from the medication. I know it’s supposed to make me better, but the side effects are horrid.  It’s 7:30 am, but I’ve only managed to get three hours sleep… Bf is away and I just feel so damn fed up!

Bf just gave me his ‘good night call’ (as he’s 6 hours behind); but he’s been up for 23 and a half hours, as he’s had to fly an 11 hour (day time) flight out there, with minimum rest and then operate a night flight home tomorrow (so he needed to stay up as late as possible so that he would be up to it).

Trying to get any conversation out of him was understandably like trying to extract a tooth, and whilst my common sense was trying to rationalise this; my over-tired, over-emotional, sick, ‘me me me’ head is feeling upset, needy and neglected…

I know he’s shattered, and hates these trips, but he and the crew have been out to a steak house/bar in the resort he’s at, and he’s dined on steak and lobster…  I’m full of self-pity.  I just want him to stay here, take over and look after the kids and me until I feel well again (or at least until the medication is finished).

It’s stupid really: he’s got to work, and since he’s a long-haul pilot; it’s not exactly like he can stay local or call in to say he’d like to work-from-home for the day! I’m being irrational and I know it.

One of my close friends has offered help, but her toddler is ill, and the last thing I need is mine all coming down with colds when I cant even take care of myself properly!  I will feel a bit better later, but I just feel so sodding low at this particular moment in time!

It’s not helping that that before Bf left, he more or less told me that he’d rather book a proper holiday using discount in 2011 to the place I was hoping to go with him on one of his trips in January (since we already used up all of his flight benefit discounts booking for the family to go to my brothers wedding for next year).  I was hugely disappointed to lose the prospect of something so exciting to look forward to, whilst I already felt so down any way was upsetting (especially because I’ve been looking forward to the prospect of it ever since his bid came out a couple of months ago).

He is probably being sensible and pragmatic, and trying to ensure that I didn’t get my hopes up…  He could book a confirmed seat for me as my Christmas present; but trips  rostered to this destination are known for being changed around at the last minute, so it could all be for nothing… . He said we could still try for a standby, but it’s so stressful that I know he’d be anxious about it if we did.

I’m just letting everything get to me!  I only have 3 days left on the medication (out of a 2 week course), so I’m almost there (I hope). I wish I could stop being such a big baby. Anyone would think I had man-flu!

Thank God I have the boys here to help with their 2 year old sister! Bf doesn’t want me leaving them ‘in charge of her’, but to be honest, I’m going to have to, as I need to at least try and get a bit more sleep as I’m running on empty at the moment! …Luckily for me, my eldest is almost at senior school, and very responsible and nurturing for his age.

I just wish Bf was here to give me a cuddle and tell me I’m being silly, and help out more 😥


13 Responses to “I’m having a self-pity-party, and you’re all invited…”

  1. I think you are perfectly normal for feeling this way, it is hard enough for the partners of LH pilots, add to that you have children to look after & your feeling unwell with what clearly sounds like a very bad illness. But I think the proper holiday idea of your BF sounds fab for you, instead of being there for a few days with him & his crew you will have privacy & be able to totally relax & enjoy a family holiday. I suggest you get together with a couple of friends when your feeling up to it & have a good girly night.

    Hope you feel better soon.

    PS Well done on your boys being so good they help you with your younger one

    • Thanks Georgia, I have managed to get another couple of hours sleep and do feel a little bit more human now at least.

      I am very lucky with the boys yes… They are my saving grace today!

  2. My husband’s company decided to get us used to LH lifestyle by sending him all over the place in his last month of SH – so he spends the following couple of weeks in all possible bases around the UK.
    And yesterday it almost made me cry because after all day’s work he was tired and was really half-listening to what I was saying when we talked on Skype… 🙂 And it should be quite obvious he is no longer thinking clearly after 10 hours of flying, shouldn’t it? And he is the lovliest husband you can imagine, which he proves every day!

    Gosh, women are so strange and illogical 🙂

  3. Ugh I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. I have to say I completely understand about the stress and pity party and not feeling well. I’ve had a cuddy week but I’m lucky in that Andrew was able to be here with me. So sorry your man is gone through this. I hope you feel better soon!

    • Thanks Elsja, I hate feeling unwell. Bf is thankfully back now. He’s just sleeping off his night flight now, and when he’s up, I shall head back to bed, as I only had 5 hours sleep last night…

      That said, some very good friends that I met on line in a pilot wife group came over and we had a girly night. I cant remember the last time I laughed so much… Laughter is absolutely the best tonic in the world, and my belly aches like I did a gym workout from laughing, where my tummy muscles have been so tender!

  4. I totally hear you on the steakhouse bit. My husband flies a corporate jet, and I’m glad he has a job he loves. I don’t usually begrude it. But when he’s just spent five days on the beach in the Bahamas at an all-inclusive, waiting for the client, and I’ve been home shovelling snow, boosting batteries, walking the dog, going to work and preparing my own meals, it’s hard to hear him whining about how hot the weather was…

    • Hi Kim, I know EXACTLY how you feel with that… Just before Christmas, I was complaining on the phone about how I had to shovel the snow off my drive to get the car out so that I could get the shopping I needed. I was feeling really ill… Then Bf said, yeah, I think I got a bit sun burned today, it’s just too hot! GAAAAAH! If I could have reached down the phone line to slap him, I would have!

  5. I have been dating a Pilot (First Officer to be accurate lol) for about 4 months now, I am getting used to the Distance, late night phone calls and 4-3-4 lifestyle. What I am having a issue with is getting used to the way a Pilot thinks and rationalizes and compartmentalizes his emotions…….I have read a few articles on Pilots in Relationships and this seems to be a normal occurrence as they think and deal differently then most. Does anyone have any tips on how to communicate effectively and make it through the growing pains of a new relationship with a Pilot…….he is an amazing man and worth the effort…..any tips would be great!!

  6. Hope you and the family had a great Christmas and you’re feeling better now. HAPPY NEW YEAR X

  7. Thanks for stopping by my blog and for the words of support / encouragement!
    It must be hard having a long haul hubby, and don’t feel bad if you sometimes feel a little pang of jealousy when they are eating fine dinners while you are home sick. Sometimes we need a little self-pity when there is no one to hug us and tell us we are allowed to feel low.

    I think as women in the ‘aviation wifestyle’ (totttalllyyy loveee this term by the way, so funnnny!!!) we have all been there and thank god we can all pat eachother on the back when our hubbys aren’t there to. Feel better soon!

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