Partner of a Pilot
The Candid Diary of an Airline Pilot’s Girlfriend

Stress management.

I haven’t been able to think about blogging for a while. My life feels like it’s been turned upside down and inside out.  I had a scan which came back abnormal; but I discussed my concerns with the staff who conducted my scan, and they agreed it was a poor show: so I’ve requested a second opinion, and have been referred by the snotty, disgruntled secretary I complained to, to the head consultant, who I’ve seen before and I’m happy with.

Thankfully my life assurance policy for the boys has been agreed and Bf has managed to get me onto his medical policy now, although we’re not sure whether I will be able to claim on it for this as it will now be a pre-existing condition. That said, we have a paper trail showing that I was supposed to be added 6 months ago-so we’re still going to try.

My next task is to get my will sorted out.  I had booked an appointment for it, but Bf and I were in disagreement about, would you believe it, access for our daughter to the boys via my mum.  Whilst he said he would not stand in the way of access, he is reluctant to agree specific times ie a committed monthly visitation for a weekend with my mum, which is what I suggested.  I did not think this was in the slightest bit over-demanding. He reasoned that his parents don’t see her nearly as much as this, and I responded that it was not simply about grandparent access, but about Baby having regular access to her brothers and maternal family if I were dead.  I ended up having to re-schedule the appointment because we couldn’t come to an agreement, but to be honest… I shall put my wishes in my will regarding this matter regardless of whether he comes around to the idea of a fixed commitment or not, because it’s important to me.

On the flip side of the coin, my ex has suddenly calmed down a lot! This new fiancee of his seems to be a great influence on him, yes I said fiancee by the way… My ex is getting married next summer. I am genuinely pleased as it means that his focus has totally shifted away from me, and onto being a responsible parent. He’s announced that he’s having a baby girl, which I think the boys are genuinely pleased about, as it’s less of a perceived replacement concern than if there was another brother on the way.  He has even agreed to have the boys slightly more often to give me a break and allow them the chance to bond with his fiancee more before the baby arrives! I feel like I’ve woken up in an alternate reality where the men have swapped mind-sets?!

Bf is swinging between being the loveliest man I have ever been blessed to know and then a complete jerk. His relationship with the boys has become increasingly strained (probably because he also feels stressed out), which only adds to my stress levels.  I am actually quite relieved that Bf is away on a long-haul trip (that I didn’t manage to get on) this week-as I may have otherwise been serving time for his brutal murder by now if he hadn’t (yes that was a joke).   It’s given us both a chance to breathe, gain perspective and even start missing one another again.

I have decided to stay on top of everything by keeping busy, and being very regimented with my time. I have set aside the mornings to tiring out my daughter, feeding her lunch at 12, giving her a nap at 12:30pm, working until I collect the boys from school and then preparing an evening meal and running the kids around to various activities before eating, doing a bit of research and decorating the extension that Bf cant seem to get motivated to do anything with, before flaking out at close to midnight and repeating the whole damn thing. It’s like Groundhog day.

Thankfully my friend has dragged me out once a week, every week for the past month for a night out in the city to break up the monotony and stress. We have danced, laughed and got tipsy, and I think it’s helped me to stay sane.

I am struggling to feel anything right now though, that’s why I haven’t blogged much, I don’t want to expose myself too much to all of my confused feelings, because the most stupid little things have been upsetting me and making me tearful. It’s as though I’m at my full stress capacity, and if someone so much as looks at me in a way I’m uncertain of I’ll get upset.  I’ve felt that the best thing to do is to keep my rhythm and routine and focus on the moment rather than thinking too deeply about everything that is going on around me. Rumination and introspection are definitely my enemies just recently.


4 Responses to “Stress management.”

  1. Darling, it must be the moon! It seems like other than an uneventful pregnancy (knock on wood), that everything that could happen to J and I has been happening.

    I have been trying to keep my stress to a minimum for the baby, but if it weren’t for him, I would be under the jail for various acts of violence =)

    Just remember that no matter how smart a man is, he is just as dumb.

    Hugs sister! Please keep us posted on your health, I worry when you are missing for long periods of time!

    • Thank you Cpt J’s Wife. I’m not gone, just running on the spot! I appreciate your concern though, thanks x

  2. I hope everything is ok! I’ve been out of commission for a bit as well and it’s no fun to come back and see that you’ve been going through all this. 😦 Keep us posted on how you’re doing!

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