Partner of a Pilot
The Candid Diary of an Airline Pilot’s Girlfriend

What a farce!

I am officially fuc*!ed off! If you never read the post  “Wedding politics, and guest list etiquette-Is THIS Right or Wrong?!”,  you might want to, or else this will not make ANY sense…

ANY WAY, so Bridezilla and no-balls finally told Bf when he rang them, that they had some guests (plural, I’m assuming they were partners), might not be able to make it; and if that were the case, then I could go after all… How gracious of them eh? I felt like telling them to shove it up their arse; but of course, Bf was excited that I’d be able to come and watch him make his speech-so how could I not go?

Just one catch-would I please not stay with Bf the night before the wedding!?


…Lest I distract him from his best man duties, apparently (they obviously know I was a siren in my past life, and that he would never be able to focus if I were in the same building).  Seriously though, do they not realise that we are both grown ups, and know how to conduct ourselves appropriately-do they think that I might attach myself to him like a limpet, and refuse to allow the groom and best man to the bar to drown no-balls’s sorrows over the hideous mistake he’s about to make? 

No problem. To be honest, I have a great friend who lives nearby, and would love to take the opportunity to see her… So, it’s all arranged… I’d much rather see her and her man than wait for a wedding in a hotel room by myself any way!

Except that my friend got sick this week. She is not up to it, bless her. So, I asked Bf what we should do. Which hotel is he in? Can I book a room there too? (I assumed they were sharing a twin room). Any way, apparently I missed the point or something… They each have their own room… It’s just that no balls doesn’t want me there. Full stop. Bf felt awkward about asking if I could join him-since groom/no balls has offered to pay for his room for that night.

Not only this, but Bridezilla has sent Bf a stack of flash cards with all his duties and chores on them in time order… Something along the lines of:

  • 1:00pm – arrive at venue
  • 2:00pm – take ‘no balls’ car to some golf club
  • etc etc etc
  • 3:00pm – Collect mourning-suits morning-suits
  • 8:45pm have no-balls tucked up in bed, sober, like a good little schmuck
  • Wake up my darling ‘no-balls’ and help him get dressed
  • 10am – re-arrange furniture
  • 10:32 – toilet break
  • 10:33 – take no-balls for his toilet break
  • etc etc etc

Three guesses as to what she does for a living children? Okay, maybe I exaggerated a little on these tasks; but honestly, it was a joke! What does she think Bf is?! Oh no wait, maybe she thinks he’s lost his balls too? 

…Surely you just give them a list of what needs doing, and let them get on with it for goodness sake!?  They’re grown men!  I can’t believe Bf is going along with this whole darn charade-I’d have told them to find another numpty to nanny and insult ages ago!

So, here’s a story about the things I do for love, we dropped the kids off, drove five hours to the opulent wedding venue; and I dropped Bf off. Then I had to book into some crummy motorway shit hole hotel-the place is horrible. The furniture is naff, the radiator in the hall is hanging off the wall. I’m wearing 2 jumpers to try and stay warm (I forgot to bring my damn gloves though)…  Still, at least I got WiFi access and my laptop so that I can cast out my anger to the blogsphere-or else I might have left and gone home right then and there.

I feel like a complete idiot. I am so offended by their selfish behaviour.  I just hope she doesn’t think I want to be there any more, because I’d rather stick pins in my eyes than watch her immasculate this man in front of an audience of people who wonder why they had to come without their spouses. 

I should imagine I’ll be on some random table straining to hear Bf from the top table; it’ll hardly be worth my coming.  I wonder why she has it in for me? I actually didn’t dislike wither of them before all this rubbish started! This feels personal, but surely for her/them to dislike me-I’d have spotted it before this?  Maybe I’m just naive? 

Still, as much as I normally hate this attitude: I might as well just eat as much of their food as I can physically gorge myself on, deliberately drink red wine (which I never do-because it makes me ill) and proceed to ‘accidentally’ knock ‘no-balls’ over into their cake, and round off my performance by vomiting on her dress?!

Yeah, in my dreams! I wouldn’t really, because I couldn’t-I’m more considerate than they obviously are. In fact, in reality I shall probably be avoiding alcohol completely, just in case my true feelings make their way out of my drunken lips.  No, I shall sit there, smile sweetly and just suck in all my poisonous thoughts about the ‘happy couple’.  Best keep them to myself, as nothing good can ever come out of being a bitch on someone else’s wedding day… I’ll just leave that to the bride. 

So any way-I give them 3 years-TOPS!

Hey by the way, if anyone stunning fancies gate-crashing a wedding in a white dress tomorrow, let me know! HA HA


5 Responses to “What a farce!”

  1. Sorry I had to laugh at this! Think the title sums it all nicely though!

  2. Who the hell do they think they are? I’d stand up after the speeches and have to get my two pence in (probably more like £500 actually..) You can’t behave like that at a wedding. A wedding is about the guests witnessing your special day – not about treating them like shit. It’s an honour to have an audience who have all spent time on money on presents, travel, hens, stags, hotels, outfits etc. you treat them with RESPECT!!!

  3. I read both ur post. what a crazy lady! Sounds like your BF needs to have a heart to heart with his friend and ask him “are you SURE you want to do this?!!” lol

    I liked your plan of what to do. but objecting during the wedding might be more eventful.

  4. I really would have thought that you could have stayed with your BF the night before in those circumstances – I feel sorry for you being on your own the night before and having to pay extra when a perfectly good room was available – it’s all quite mean. Sorry also your friend was poorly and couldn’t put you up – in normal circumstances that would have been far better.x.

  5. My god I thought she was bad before. This is unbelievable! She sounds like a really nasty piece of work.

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