Partner of a Pilot
The Candid Diary of an Airline Pilot’s Girlfriend

Having an ‘Oh Poor Me’ day


I’m having a bit of an ‘Oh poor me’ day today; feeling thouroughly down in the mouth. I have just dropped Bf off at the airport for a 5 day long-haul trip; and we had a bit of a fall out before he left. The past 24 hours have just generally been rubbish between us… We all get those days in relationships; but fortunately for most couples-they don’t have to watch their men walk off from them at the airport with his suitcase packed for sunnier skies, whilst the weather echoing their emotions and the heavens pouring down on them like I did.

The background is that I still don’t feel quite right after having food poisoning; just tired and generally off colour. The house is a complete mess, because I’ve been trying to juggle being sick with working, cooking, school runs, etc; and in all honesty house work has been my lowest priority. Combine that with the major building work that we’re only about half way through (we started it in July); and the knowledge that right after the new year (the coldest part of the year here in Britain) we will be having the ‘knock through’ carried out (when our central heating in this house is erratic at the best of times); and well, to be honest-it’s all been stressing me out a bit.

Yesterday, he allowed one of our neighbours (one of the guys who is working on our house, and who happened to witness a personal item of mine through the window a month or so ago) into our house to chat about his next lot of work. He gave me no warning; and I’m a bit anal about people coming into our home when it’s untidy-it’s actually a pet hate of mine. I don’t mind if it’s a friend who knows me well enough to know I’m not usually like this; but one of my pressure valves must have blown-because I went into nagging ‘psycho-bitch from hell’ mode afterwards.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were bringing him in?” (in fairness, Bf didn’t know the guy was going to knock)
“Why did you let him in when the place looked like this!? Couldn’t you have gone outside to chat to him!?”

 

“Well it was cold. I didn’t want to”

 

“Well, you know I hate people coming in when the place is a mess! I feel embarrassed enough about what that guy thinks of me already! Right, I’m sick of your suitcase living in our front room, and your model helicopters and aeroplanes inhabiting every free space, and the ladder living in our front room! (a new one he’d just purchased), please move the lot, or I’m chucking it all in the skip outside when you leave for your trip tomorrow!”

I know it was unreasonable. Although his WAS the biggest mess cluttering the house up, it wasn’t the only mess cluttering up the place.  He reacted, with as much venom, and before I knew it, he was saying really nasty hurtful things to me; things that were very personal and unfair-things I’m not going to repeat.  He apologised afterwards, and told me that he didn’t mean them, and that he knew it was wrong to say something to hurt me just because I has annoyed him. But his apology didn’t stop his words from stinging me. 

If I am cut, I bleed. Sticking a plaster over the wound will cover it up, and go some way to healing the damage-but it doesn’t undo the bleeding.

I cried so much yesterday, that my eyes are still stinging, and I still have a headache today.  He said he hated seeing me so upset, and was really very sorry, and hugged me, etc… But then flipped straight into robot mode. I’m not sure if it’s a pilot thing, certainly the Pilot Persolanlity Profile suggests so, but it’s like he can’t deal with complex emotions… So last night, instead of just enjoying the time before his trip together; he sat there asking me to go through costings of the building work with him, and look at budgeting the rest of the work, just so that I can see that we won’t be able to afford to finish the job… Seriously, his timing could have been better… Did he think that would cheer me up to know that we are £7,000 over budget?! He proceeded to give me a list of people to call, and places to go, to sort house stuff out over the next few days in his absence.  I would much rather have spent the night chilling out with him, and him actually just curling up on the sofa together with his arms around me.

So I have felt hurt and down ever since. If he hadn’t been flying off to an exotic destination today; I might have woken up feeling better; but he is, and I didn’t. I woke up feeling jealous that he could just jet away and escape on a trip to a 5 star hotel in an exotic destination. It makes it worse that I’ve been there before with him, and can visualise exactly what I’m missing out on.  Meanwhile, I’m stuck here in the mess, dust, and rain, making cups of coffee and tea for fat chavs builders, whist I hold the fort down. 

He must have taken some of what I said on board though: his radio controlled models and new ladder were notably absent from view today; and he’d obviously taken his suitcase with him.

But aside from the mountain of ironing that has been building up since I’ve been ill (and could very well soon warrant it’s own contour line on the ordinance survey map, if I don’t attack it), the thin layer of building dust that seems to cover everything (no matter how many times I vacuum), and the general household work and cooking; not to mention a job to do, 3 children to run around after and the crappy UK winter weather to put up with… I have his additional list of additional chores to complete in his absence… Visit a kitchen showroom, and re-order a new kitchen (the last company we ordered from just went bust, taking our £700 deposit with them), electrician’s to call, contractors to book, blah, blah, bloody-blah!

I will cheer up, but I just NEEDED to rant and get a load of my chest. Thank goodness that I have my fun day out with the children to look forward to on Sunday

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10 Responses to “Having an ‘Oh Poor Me’ day”

  1. Ahh wish I could give you a big hug!

  2. Ahh wish I could give you a big hug! I’ve had days where I have felt the same but i’m sure it will all seem brighter in a day or so i n time for bf’s return!

  3. Oh honey, there is nothing worse to happen to leave you empty inside when they leave. Things never feel quite right until they are back, even if you talk on the phone alot.
    Vent away, sometimes it just feels good to get it all out there….it lets you think about things more logically when you can read your feelings back to yourself.

    xxxx

  4. poor poor you! I’m having an I hate my husband day myself so can totally relate. Nothing worse than feeling out of control too. Head high, shoulders back and carry on!

  5. Debs, May and Red, thank you so much for your comforting words and virtual hugs. Susannah, isn’t it a shame we can’t have a girly night with a bottle of wine or 3? Never mind. I’m sure that after a good night’s sleep, I’ll see things in a whole new light…

    Apparently I’m not even allowed to put up the Christmas tree until he gets home. He’s been putting it off all week-how BAH HUMBUG of him! I want to put up the tree!!!!!! I might settle for putting some lights up in the window. He’s not too keen on them, but I love them, so I’ll get them up before he returns home, and then it’s too late for him to protest!

  6. Massive hug from me too … I need one too 😦

  7. hey Partner of a Pilot

    Just finished reading this post!

    I’ve been having a lousy week with Martin too! I dont know if its that time of the month but right now he is sitting beside me and I havent spoken a word to him since this afternoon when we got into a huge argument! What is it with these men!??
    Maybe Im feeling kind of down because I read your previous posts and saw that video which got me crying like a baby!

    Anyways hang in there! Im sure everything will get better! Have a great holiday!

    Claudia

  8. Oh dear… There’s nothing worse than having bad feeling between you when you have to be apart for a bit. Have you managed to speak on the phone since? I find a good chat telling each other you love each other does wonders when you feel crap like this.

    And in solidarity, I also have an extremely messy house and mountain of ironing, and I don’t even have kids!!

  9. Leila thanks, I wish I could make all your problems (our crappy days) fly away for you.

    Claudia, sorry if I made you upset! There are guys and girls in EVERY industry that cheat. It’s not a pilot/hostie exclusivity. If your guy is a good guy; then it won’t matter what job title he has-he’ll still be a good guy… I only thought I’d name-and-shame the ones that do… Maybe if those minor few who do abuse their partner’s trust realise what a tiny, exposed place the world is now with the Internet (even if they thought they were careful)… They might think twice about doing the dirty-even if not necessarily for the right reasons!

    Flying High, so right… We have spoken, but the time differences have meant that the conversations were at a time when one or other of us just wanted to be asleep instead of awake talking… We’re going to chat on skype in a bit though-if he can access the wifi by the pool-he can’t get Internet access at all from the room.

  10. I hope it gets much better for you, and that things with the house get settled! Everything will be fine when he gets back I know it!


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