Partner of a Pilot
The Candid Diary of an Airline Pilot’s Girlfriend

Having children is like being pecked to death by a chicken…

I was having the crappiest morning this morning. I had to get up early to take Bf to the airport. Neither of us are what I’d call ‘morning people’, I never really fire on all cylinders until I have been up for a few hours; and we were both a bit scratchy with one another.  After I had dropped him off, I got back and sorted the kids breakfast out.

I was still feeling down about not kissing Bf goodbye properly (I was having a pouty moment) and then my oldest produced a mouldy school bag. I snapped. It was a stupid thing to snap over, but to be honest I never seem to lose the plot over things that are a big deal-in fact I’d go as far as to say I deal exceptionally well in a crisis.

It really got to me, because this will be the third school bag and fifth item I have had to replace for similar reasons within a year. He forgets to take uneaten fruit out sometimes, and this is the result. Another time he folded damp waterproofs and put them away!? This time he had put his bag down after school before the summer holidays; and it had festered for 6 weeks or so, unopened.  The really annoying thing was, it was a brand new bag at the end of last term!

I told him he was NOT getting any ANY pocket money, as I was sick and tired of paying for his silly mistakes! I gave him a massive lecture about looking after things properly. Then I dragged out that tired old line about how a child in Africa could be immunised for life, and fed for a week for less money than he had just thrown away in his carelessness.   

Though to be honest; with hind sight, I know I was more angry at myself for not checking his bag myself… I KNOW he is absent minded.

Then my cousin sent me this email. I have seen similar ones before-but it just seemed more appropriate to me today.  It put the smile back on my face and gave me a better perspective-so I thought I’d share it with you too:

To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students…

Here is something to make you chuckle. Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God’s omnipotence did not extend to His own children.

After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.

And the first thing he said was:


“Don’t What?” Said Adam

“Don’t eat the forbidden fruit.” God said

“Forbidden fruit?
We have forbidden fruit?
Hey Eve…we have forbidden fruit!”

“No Way!”

“Do NOT eat the fruit!” said God.


“Because I am your Father and I said so!”

God replied, wondering why He hadn’t stopped creation after making the elephants.
A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked!

“Didn’t I tell you not to eat the fruit?” God asked.

“Uh huh” Adam replied.

“Then why did you?” said the Father.

“I don’t know” said Eve.

“She started it!” Adam said.

“Did not!”

“Did too!”


Having had it with the two of them, God’s punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.


If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven’t taken it, don’t be hard on yourself.
If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you


  • You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.
  • Grandchildren are God’s reward for not killing your own children.
  • Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.
  • Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said.
  • The main purpose of holding children’s parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
  • We child-proofed our homes, but they are still getting in.


Be nice to your kids.
They will choose your nursing home one day.



IF YOU are TENSE, and you get a lot of HEADACHES, Follow the instructions on the bottle CAREFULLY!


So on reflection of the email; having children is like being pecked to death by a chicken a gift from God 😉

I am going to give them both a big hug (of the ‘squeezy cuddle variety’) when I collect them from school later… I do love them to bits really!


3 Responses to “Having children is like being pecked to death by a chicken…”

  1. That was great! 😀

  2. Glad you liked it!

  3. love the blog… but mostly I love the title! Just that alone made me laugh!

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