Partner of a Pilot
The Candid Diary of an Airline Pilot’s Girlfriend

Pilots and marriage

Guess what… I am hacked off at the moment. Why? Well, because I want a little bit more from my relationship. Not that we aren’t great together, because we are. But here’s the deal. We have been together nigh on 5 years. We have a baby together, a mortgage together, joint life assurance policies; we know and love each other despite our various faults, and there are no false pretenses between us. We are making plans for our future, discussing whether to, well more like ‘when’ to plan a subsequent baby…

We might as well be married, right? Well, so people keep telling me… So why aren’t we? This is the question I keep asking myself recently.

I wasn’t too bothered until more recently, because, it just wasn’t a massive priority. I certainly never wanted him to propose to me when I was pregnant, because it would have stolen the romance away if I people had thought ‘he’s only doing it because she’s pregnant’.

When we announced the happy news of our pregnancy, his father’s reaction to Bf was; ‘so you’re not going to get married then?!’  …I was absolutely adamant that I didn’t want a ‘shotgun wedding’; but I didn’t mean that I never wanted to get married!!! The thing is, I don’t want to make a massive deal about it, because again, it kind of takes the edge off the whole romance thing.

It’s not as though he doesn’t believe in marriage… We’ve talked about it being in our future-so I know that marriage is something he believes in… When we were first together; I was understandably down on the notion of marriage, and he got very upset about it. He told me that he couldn’t see himself staying in a relationship with me long term if I wasn’t more open to the idea.  I was more than touched by his thoughts; and naturally over-time I did become more open to the idea…

I am just soooooooo fed up with waiting. Why are we waiting?! I am not 21, and I want him to make the ultimate commitment to me-to show me that I am ‘the one’ for him; not just another one!  I am aware that I am not the only pilot gf who has experienced this. It seems that many pilots seem to avoid marriage; but it is something that I want in life. I don’t really want Baby to grow much older before we are married either.

He took me away for my birthday, and I’ll be honest. A few of my friends had utterly convinced me that he was planning to pop the question; so it did take the edge off slightly when he didn’t. Does that sound really ungrateful?

Half of me thinks I am being completely stupid, because we have LOADS of other major stuff going on at the moment, and all of our financial resources are being bled dry; so I know that it would all be an extra burden financially… But to be honest, I don’t care about flashy rings or want a massive tacky wedding any way!

Sorry for the bizarre rant. I just REALLY needed to get that off my chest!


2 Responses to “Pilots and marriage”

  1. I completley understand why you feel like this but I think a child is a much bigger commitment than marriage… a baby bonds the two of you forever and if you and you boyfriend are talking about having another little one I think that makes you “the one” all the way! Why not try dropping some subtle hints like talking about how lovely it is that your friend has just got engaged or how lovely it would be to have your baby as a little bridesmaid at your wedding .. and if that doesn’t work maybe you could just ask him, it is 2008 after all! lol

  2. Subtle hints are wasted on my Bf. They don’t even penetrate his ear drums. As for asking him-that would probably be seen as “PRESSURE”. He is a traditionalist, and would want to be the one that did the asking. In fact once I did ask him to marry me, and he said ‘yeah, one day’…

    I think the problem is that he’s too complacent and too lazy now to fix something that isn’t broken… But it’s really bugging me! He is not big on ‘appreciation’ and I think he is basically doesn’t feel grown up enough to be married yet.

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