Partner of a Pilot
The Candid Diary of an Airline Pilot’s Girlfriend

My thoughts about being a Mummy.

I’ll warn you now, that this post has nothing to with aviation, or the man in my life… I wrote this post just for me, but feel free to tag along for the read if you wish!

I’ve had a truly lovely time with my children this evening. What were we doing? Nothing particularly out of the ordinary really; I just had one of those moments where you realise how amazing and profound the parenting experience is, and where you are totally absorbed in the moment, rather than rushing around doing everything on cruise-control.

We had a meal together and then I bathed them and put them all to bed. It was the way we interacted together that was special today. I love being their mummy. I love that they all adore each other.  I am often told how wonderful my children are, and it’s one compliment that I’m happy to accept and agree with!

There is something particularly special about holding babies of course. They are so completely helpless and innocent and trusting. They are completely dependent on you, and as scary as that can be for a new mum, it’s also rather a privilege to be everything to someone. 

Baby isn’t exactly tiny any more, in fact, it would be fair to say that at 14 months old, she is almost a toddler… But I am fondly enjoying each and every second of her precious baby experiences. I think I am savouring them more this time, because I am not desperate for her to do each new thing. I remember being a new mummy for the first time. I was very young, and not at all ready or equipped (financially or emotionally) for the experience at the time. I suffered post-natal depression, but wouldn’t have admitted to it back then.  I remember trying to cover up my depression and lack of knowledge or experience regarding children with a bizarre, over-keen effort to get my son to do everything at lightning pace, as though it were some kind of insane race to have the youngest baby to roll over or wean. 

With my second, I was juggling full-time work with 2 children, and was so vastly over-stretched doing it all without much support following a divorce, that it seemed to flash by in the haze of just keeping afloat.  In fact with both the boys, my overriding memories are of struggling financially, whilst trying to just get through each day. I was blindly following routine, feeling my way through the experience with my eyes partially blinkered. It all seemed rather stressful.  Obviously I enjoyed having them, but I just wasn’t as free to live in the moment and enjoy that time with them as easily as I am able to with baby this time. 

Now, I am at home full-time, and I am loving each day with her without willing for the next to be here ASAP.  I have loved each stage of her development. I have enjoyed taking care and consideration to do and give her the best I can; whether it be breat-feeding her until she was 6 months old, or buying fresh, organic foods, and taking care to cook her home-made, nutritious baby food. It makes me feel great to watch her enjoy something healthy that I made for her from scratch.  It was just not something I even had any time to do before. As they got older, and were able to eat more adult food, I always ensured that I cooked for them myself.

I love the way that baby looks at everything with such pure interest and excitement. I love her little expressions, and the way her eyes light up when you look at her. I love the way she’ll mimic things that I do, try to repeat the words I say, and seek out my attention. I love listening to her chattering away happily to herself in her cot in the morning, using words that only she understands. I love watching the impish look in her eye as she’ll look over at you prior to doing something that she knows she shouldn’t. I love it when she reaches up with her chubby little hand to hold mine, and feeling her little fingers clamp around my index finger as she hangs on for support whilst she waddles around clumsily.

I love listening to her talking, and I never want to forget the babyish way she says things; like, instead of ‘flower’, she’ll say ‘wower’ but in a really squeaky, excited high pitched voice. I still fondly remember my oldest son singing ‘Poo-poo Pat’ instead of ‘Postman Pat’, and my younger son who could not pronounce the letter ‘f’ and would replace it with an ‘s’ (not good if he was telling a complete stranger at a carnival that “he likes flags” by the way). However, so many of their other baby talk words escape me completely now, that I’m considering writing Baby’s all down in a notebook so that I never forget them.

My favourite time of day with the boys is after supper, when I sit to read with them, or do their homework with them. I can almost see the cogs turning behind their eyes as they try to figure things out. Or on the nights when I read a bedtime story to them; and they’ll chuckle at the funny bits… Funnily enough I always seem to end up being the one to tire during bed time stories though. Literally the second I pick up one of their books and open it to read, I’ll be incapable of finishing the first sentence without yawning!

With baby, it has to be her bed time routine,  after her bath. I blow dry her hair, and comb it through (she has such a lot of hair for such a young girl). Then in my bedroom, with only the light from the hall way; I give her a bottle of milk. I love watching her trying not to fall asleep as she suckles contentedly. I cant help but plant little kisses on her chubby little cheeks and trace my finger tips over her soft, smooth baby skin, or continue to comb through her silky fine hair. She obviously finds the experience soothing too; as she’ll often drift off to sleep mid way through.

Its an amazing feeling looking at your child as they give in to sleep right there in your arms, or watching your baby sleep in their cot, with their arms high above their head in total care-free abandonment.  I don’t think there is anything in the world that can compare with it. 

I feel blessed to have my babies, and guilty for not appreciating them this much all of the time.

Sorry if I’ve bored you, not like my normal posts, I know, but there again, I did warn you that this one was just for me 🙂


4 Responses to “My thoughts about being a Mummy.”

  1. I thought that was really lovely x

  2. I thought that was beautifully written and it made me feel warm inside.

  3. Thank you!

  4. Wonderful. I shall take that post to bed with me and feel blessed to have one lovely baby and another on the way xx

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