Partner of a Pilot
The Candid Diary of an Airline Pilot’s Girlfriend

When Pilots Cheat


I have just had the worst news. One of my friends just emailed me to say that she and her pilot are parting ways… He always rings her, every night when he is away; apart from last night.

Worried, she tried ringing him… Eventually, she got through to him at 4am. He was drunk, and there was a woman’s voice in the background… The spineless loser hung up on her, and let her stew over his bad behaviour.

This morning he rang her and told her that nothing had happened, but told her that it’s over… They have children; young children, and he ended their marriage over the phone! Understandably, she is in pieces… I am not sure if she even knows how to react or whether she would have wanted to try to work things out or kick him out; but it seems he’s taken those options away from her regardless.

He is coming home tomorrow and I cannot imagine how that will go… All I want to say is that, Sweetie, I am SO here for you. He is an idiot who made a stupid mistake. You deserve so much more respect than you are getting right now.

I am so saddened by this. I wish I could go round and give her a big hug and be there for her in person, but she’s in a different country, on a different continent.

I am so angry at him for her.  How dare he go out and drink, and party to the extent that he could just forget her like that and treat her; his wife and two young children with such callous disregard! 

I don’t think this is a pilot thing… But if someone is a cheater, this is a BAD profession to be in… You wouldn’t run a pub if you had an alcohol problem after all!

I could not live this lifestyle for anyone if I thought they were cheating, so she is better off without him…

Deep down, I think he has told her he wants to end it, because he thinks she’ll kick him out if he doesn’t, and most pilots are control freaks to some degree… I just wonder if he couldn’t bear the thought that he’d lost control over his future; and his knee-jerk reaction was to seize back control however reckless the consequences.

I don’t know what to say to you sweetie. I wish I had some magic words that would make this somehow better…

N.B – These comments have linked discussions going on within them:

Pilot’s who Cheat, and are then stupid enough to BRAG about it!

Hands off my Pilot, HO!

Reminiscing about the roller coaster of feelings I had about how I’d cope with being an airline pilot’s girlfriend before he was qualified

Your bullets cannot harm ME! MY wings are like a shield of steel!

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35 Responses to “When Pilots Cheat”

  1. If you are reading, I’m so sorry. He is a jerk and you don’t deserve that. My husband works away a lot (though he’s not a pilot) and we had a similar experience… We managed to work things out in the end, but it meant a year of hell to get through it.

  2. I don’t know what it is about pilots but ‘selfishness’ seems to be a job requirement. My BF qualified at 39 and has been on a giant ego trip ever since. He just got a new job on a 605 in Kiev 2 weeks on 2 weeks off. I new it was going to be trouble, since he started in January we have called off our wedding in July and he has now not contacted me for a whole week since he left. I have no idea if he is expecting me to stay with him, but there isn’t room for both me and his ego. I really feel for your friend, I expect we are feeling pretty similar as there must be a reason for my BF’s behaviour and I’d guess it’s something similar. Best of luck to her – she’ll be happier without him.

  3. Thanks Partnerofapilot, Sophie and Mandy for your kind words. It really does help to hear from other women. Today I returned to our (my) home. Our walk-in closet is empty on one side and it hurt to see it like that. At the same time, it felt good to get back to the house and around our wonderful neighbors. Being a single mom wasn’t what I had planned on happening in my life, but I think things will be just fine. I have 2 gorgeous boys, a beautiful home, wonderful neighbors, great family support and awesome friends. In some ways I have it better than a lot of people could ever hope for! I guess I can bid goodbye to the pilot wifestyle!

  4. Lol! Yes, I guess it’s not all bad!

    You are so strong, and have handled this with grace and dignity-dispite the diabolical way he’s chosen to deal with ending your marriage. You are a wonderful mummy and a beautiful woman. Dont forget that

  5. I am sorry this happened to you. I am in a postion of wondering if it is happening to me. My husband put up a profile on a sex site advertising himself. I found out he put it up 2.5 years ago. He says he never acted on it an he just did it because he was angry at me as we had been fighting. But I am only finding out about it now and he says he never did anything, just typed it because he was mad. I am trying to believe that, but that is hard. It is such a gut wrenching feeling, especially when he said on his profile that he found blondes sexy (I am a brunette), and that he was looking for much younger women. It just hurts. It makes you not like yourself and I keep trying to do whatever I can to make myself better. I want to change his profile and let them all know I am his wife and he was caught, then like I read on this site, change his password and let everyone know what a jerk he was. He probably won’t care though because they don’t know his name. I could put that though, couldn’t I?? I am so mad it makes me feel revengeful, which I guess is natural in this situation. When you meet someone, and you are in love, and you get married, you never want to know they got “tired” of you, and you are now boring material. I am trying to figure out if it will work now since all my self esteem is gone.

  6. Oh Carrie you sound so low. You need to try to see that it’s not your failure that this has happened it’s his. he’s been weak, and an idiot and it’s not about you not beng good enough or anything like that. It seems to me that in this day and age the internet just provides the ultimate temptation for men and women. Its so easy to get a little excitement in your life by doing these things anonomously thinking it won’t hurt because your partner will never know.

    It may be that your husband is really sorry and is telling the truth, but I think if it was me I would want to see evidence that he has removed his profile and that he isn’t signed up to anything else like that. My BF has so much spare time its ridiculous and spends 80% of it glued to his laptop and I know he looks at porn. He was signed up to something and I found out and we very nearly split up over it, but I could tell he was really sorry and he hasn’t done it since (I check!!). If I’m 100% honest I’ve never been able to get the trust back completely but I think that’s just life. It’s even harder to deal with when your partner is away from you for long periods of time.

    If you wanted to be really devious you could create your own false profile and contact him to see if he does speak to other women but that’s not really being constructive. But for your own peace of mind you need to get to the bottom of exactly what he’s been up to and whether he is prepared to stop and act like a responsible husband and father. if not then you are much better off without him, you deserve to be happy.

    Try to hold on to your self esteem Carrie, the stronger you are about it the more chance you have of working things out with your husband.

  7. I’m so glad there are discussions like this where women can ban together for support. I work in the airline industry and I’ve dated and am dating within it. And it is hard to deal with! The first guy worked in the industry as well and then got me a job at another airport. Long story short after 4 years he cheated on me with a flight attendant. Go figure! Fit the stereotype perfectly. Funny thing is that I never saw it coming. I really thought he loved me and would never have suspected this until it got to the point where it was undeniable. I’ve moved on since (or am still trying to) and am now dating a pilot. That was probably the stupidest thing to do while I was still trying to cope with losing someone to the industry. I only challenged myself more by dating someone who is not only gone 4 days a week, but someone I live hundreds of miles away from. I truly find the odds against us: he’s a pilot, a flight attendant’s been chosen over me in the past, and we live far from each other. Just taking one of those instances is challenge enough for a person. But I’m writing this to support other women who have gone through these things and also to help myself cope. My boyfriend and I just recently went over a bump in the road where I found some less than pleasant things in his inbox. So, it’s hard to trust, ever! I’m faced wondering if the past will just repeat itself. What are some of your opinions about pilots cheating? I’m still trying to figure that out. Is it only a matter of time? Am I wasting my time? Is life better off without one? Or can the challenge be met?

  8. Hi Cece.

    I stand by my statement. from this post’s comments ( https://partnerofapilot.wordpress.com/2007/12/19/reminiscing-about-the-roller-coaster-of-feelings-i-had-about-how-id-cope-with-being-an-airline-pilots-girlfriend-before-he-was-qualified/ ) that not all pilot relationships are doomed. We tend to hear about the more dramatic stories rather than the ones that stay faithfully married for 40 years.

    Bad news just makes for a ‘better story’. Sure there are dirt bags out there who happen to be pilots, there are also good guys out there who happen to be pilots. Hopefully you have fine tuned your ‘a-hole detector’ after your last experience, and can spot a liar at 20 paces now.

    Try not to become too jaded or punish your current man for your exe’s mistakes. If you don’t trust him-ask yourself why. If he has given you reason-then stay on top of it. What did he say about the stuff in his inbox?

  9. I am getting a lot of Google hits on this post, for anyone who read this, you may also find this post interesting:

    reminiscing about the roller-coaster of feelings I had about how I’d cope with being an airline pilots girlfriend before he was qualified

  10. There are women out there who view our pilot husbands like Rock Stars. They believe the lifestyle is so glamorous and the pay is great. They don’t see the downside and the hardships that come with this choice.

    I’ve seen women throw themselves at my husband in airports. It’s unbelievable. I can see where a man who isn’t secure with himself for whatever reason, would get caught up in the fantasy of all of it but it’s no excuse for betraying the person that is back home.

    We are the ones who keep the home fires burning. We take care of home repairs, car repairs, school conferences, doctors appointments and such. This isn’t seen my all of these women who are smitten with a man in uniform.

    The Internet doesn’t help either. There was a time when a pilot would have to find someone to cheat with while laying and often it just wasn’t worth the hassle and the energy. Times have changed. Now they can have the meeting set up before they ever leave the house.

    I don’t think pilots cheat anymore than anyone else. The opportunity is there and the women are there but cheating comes from somewhere inside of the cheater. It has nothing to do with the spouse or any outside factors. It’s a selfish and self serving act.

    In 18 years of marriage I have never suspected much less confirmed my husband has cheated. If he has or does, I hope I never know.

  11. Maybe a little late, seen the dates of this posts but I am truly desperate.
    My pilot-to-be fiancee has had a track record in chatting, hooking up with exes and even cheating.. that happened less than 4 months ago. I am still trying to heal the pieces of my broken heart and he promised never to lie to me again, or keeping secrets or cheat. He is still in his training (they send him to Ankara and we live in Istanbul) so I only see him once every 2 weeks.

    The day he got accepted by Turkish Airlines I cried. It was my nightmare. It’s indeed giving a bar to a alcoholic. I am so afraid that when he starts flying, despite his promises, he will cheat as much as he can. The last year was not exactly the proof that he can stay loyal. He wants to marry me as soon he comes back from the training and I don’t know what to do. Believe in him or not. We’ve been together 4 years and I sacrificed, compromised, forgiven, moved to another city for him and have supported him in every way, because there is so much love. On one side I can’t accept it and I have been spying in his email etc. On the other side I can’t give him up, not now. And be the biggest loser in the world while some gold digging chick will marry him in the end (this is Turkey, girls are generally not financially independant and need to find a rich husband). What should I do? I am torn…

  12. Hi everyone,

    I dont know how to start, really. I am a very private person same as my pilot husband and i am 3 months pregnant right now. We`ve been married for almost four years. I just want to let this get out of my chest as i dont really have friends here in HK to talk about this. So, maybe this is Ok. Honestly, nothing really change in our relationship, except that we dont have sex as often as before. We are still very happy and excited about our baby. Its our first. Maybe i am just being paranoid or its just the hormones raging coz i`ve never really feel this gut wrenching feeling that my husband is maybe cheating on me. I dont know.. I really hope he is not because i will never forgive him if he ever did. I love him with all my heart but i wont hesitate devorcing him coz i wont be able to live with someone who cheated on me. I was cheated already before he meet me, it was my 3 yrs relationship with my exbf. He was cheating on me for 2 yrs and i didnt even know!! I am a very trusty person. He knows i was broken hearted when he met me thats why when he told me he loves me already i couldnt say the same to him coz i needed more time. The funny thing is, everything is open to me, his phone, his computer, except that we dont really give our emails password to each other because we think its our own privacy. Hope, im wrong and dont find out anything at the end of my pregnancy. That would suck really bad. Thanks a lot for this blog, i didnt know that some FA`s are flirtatious and some Pilots are the same too. Oh well, i will deal with anything when the time comes because thats what i`ve always done in my life… xxx

    • Hello cpapwife,

      Congratulations ! on the baby. I wish you a nice mellow pregnancy and delivery !

      I detect that you have some reason to be wondering about your Husbands fidelity…

      I hope you are wrong as well.

      Can you share what it is that has made you feel that way ?

      Hugs
      OKDK7

  13. I was married to a swa pilot for 6 yrs. I cooked, cleaned and took care to see that he could maintain a relationship with his daughter of his first marriage. He had cheated in that marriage and promised me that he would not do this to me. Needless to say, he did. I had suspicisions and when I confronted him, he became a monster. I would recommend that you not confront your spouse. If you are planning on leaving; prepare, save enough money to live on for at least a year. Plan on a nasty divorce where attorneys take most of your money. Check yourself for diseases. I believe SWA has a responsibility as they promote a party atmosphere for the crew. I am not aware of the environment of other airlines, but SWA negotiates a reduced drink price for the crew and there is no limit on the amount. Are there other SWA victims? These men have very serious emotional problems and the companies tend to hire this type. The company conducts psychological testing and choose men who objectify people. I will never marry someone in this industry. It seems the flight attendants also have serious personality disorders and with the impulsiveness, they are highly sexual. What a combination, impulsive objectifying pilots with insecure highly sexual flight attendants who are seeking any type of attention to feel valued. On top of that, lower the alcohol prices!! Of course, keep them happy and their spirits lifted. It does not matter what is done to the family members at home. I am so sorry for all who have been betrayed.

    • my huband of 40 years had affair two with fa of americawest.don’t know if he is still seeing her he flying over seas. the pain is so bad after all the years of living with him being gone if would like to know her name so all of you pilot wifes can look for number area code 602 pop up on his cell its the whore rita nicksic .

  14. Hi. I haven’t written in a while. I “guess” things are better at home since I discovered almost two years ago my husbands internet profiles. I still don’t trust him, and he has done a lot of things different, but one thing he refuses to do is to stop staying out late on his trip layovers with the crew. I don’t mind dinner and maybe a drink or two, but he continues out past that and I try to reach him in in his room sometimes and he isn’t there when it is going past midnight. I just don’t get why he has to stay out that late. If he has several layovers a month, why does he need all that social time and then not much with me? I feel un special and have for many years. He says I am trying to control him and give him a curfew. No, I just want some respect in the marriage to me.

  15. Carrie,
    We can only control ourselves. A lot of these men are sex addicts. What a great environment to be in, you travel and women adore the glamour. I wanted my husband to change and love me the way I deserved. The addiction was more powerful than his love for me. I was always told to watch what a person does and not just listen to his words. So do the words and actions match? If so, then you have a great partner; if not, prepare to leave: financially, emotionally and physically. Your confrontations will not change him.
    Rebecca

  16. Hi Partner of a Pilot, I wanted to read your blog titled Your bullets cannot harm me my wings are like a shield of steel but it says it requires a password. Would you be able to email me the password or is this protected for a reason?

    Thank you.

  17. My husband flies international cargo and spends a lot of time in Brazil. He has begun acting strangely and I believe he has a girlfriend there. I don’t know how to find out. He is very careful to cover his tracks as far as internet history and cell phone usage goes. There is no other way for me to find out beyond confronting him. I have of course, and he just says that I am crazy. But he has become a fitness fanatic all of a sudden after years of letting himself go and is talking about getting plastic surgery there rather than here because he “knows people.” He did this early on in his pilot career with a flight attendant when he was flying for a passenger airline. His behavior was somewhat the same–irritable and mean to me no matter what I do and constantly talking about divorce because of how I do things. Since I have run his home and raised his children mostly without him I resent this very much. If he is doing this again I am going to leave but I don’t know how to find out. Has anyone else come across an international girlfriend? Or do you know ways to find out? I am just going crazy and maybe for nothing. We’re both in our mid-fifties and I am not anxious to try to start over, especially in this economy. It means bankruptsy for me for sure.

  18. Wow, a friend sent me the link. I could have written some of the entries many years ago when I was married to a pilot. I wish I could say something more profound than this, but ladies, the hits you take to your self-esteem — not to mention the heartache and misery– by staying with repeat cheaters just isn’t worth it. To make a long story short, I caught my ex–we broke up and got back together. I won’t go into the details, but there were others over the years. Eventually, I just stuck my head in the sand and stopped seeing all the painfully obvious signs. I finally had enough when he started talking A LOT about a flight attendant–she wasn’t just another one-night stand. After I learned for sure that they were having an affair, I met with an attorney and found out where I stood in terms of a divorce, etc… I packed up the house and drained the savings while the two of them were on a trip. (I left our new expensive boat for him to justify taking the savings, etc… I didn’t take personal stuff, either, like his clothing). I couldn’t force him to stop cheating, but I walked out of that poor-excuse-of-a-marriage on my own terms. To anyone who’s with a repeat cheater, I recommend counseling for yourself and finding out your rights from an attorney. And, Ellen, you’re never too old to start over again. I have two friends who married for the first time at 60. I have another friend who just got married at 62 for a second time. And I have a friend who married for a second time at 49 to someone who’s 55. As for the economy being bad Ellen, if you’ve been married for a long time, your husband might owe you alimony, etc…, but talk to an attorney if you decide to go that route. There may be a way out–you just can’t see it without some help. BTW, I got into counseling, traveled a lot, and went back to college. And, yes, I did meet a really nice guy and had a family. (I was an older mom by then, but who cares–I was ready). As for my ex, the flight attendant got pregnant, so he married her. The flight attendant then gained about 70 pounds–he probably drove her to food. Ellen, I so wish you peace and happiness. It sounds like you been waiting for both for a long time.

  19. Ellen, I know what you mean when it comes to wondering what your pilot husband could be doing overseas and you just don’t know how to find out.
    My husband flies internationally and I have told him myself that yes, I know he could screw others while gone, and I may never know. He knows this, I know this. And, he flies a lot with crew that change frequently. All I am able to do is check his crew list, I check for names that repeat to see if there is a particular person maybe that keeps flying with him. I know that doesn’t rule out one night stands, so I keep my gut in check. If your man cheats, I truly believe that he will screw up one day by leaving some evidence, and or he will be different. He will do the obvious signs of lying when you look at him, ( you can research this on the interent and with counselors), they will show you what to look for when someone is lying about cheating. And, then of course follow your gut.
    I do believe that when your man is faithful, he is attentive to you not just for a short term, but LONG term and always consistently. Men who are attentive short term may just do it to thwart your suspicions, but if they are true, they shouldn’t waiver in their behavior.
    I have had suspicions with my husband, and as for an ongoing affair, there is is evidence that that is going on….BUT, I wouldn’t even stand for a one night stand because to me, it is just as bad. Bottom line for me: You stick your penis in another woman, I don’t care who, when, why etc…or for how long, I have a problem with it. So, for one night stands I keep my observant sniffing out to watch his behaviors when he is around me. We still have issues from past problems, and the only reason I am staying is that I love him AND I still do have a belief that he wants us to work. I don’t believe he is staying for my sake, at least I am almost sure of that. I am still feeling those waters. If I ever find out he is just staying to avert financial divorce disaster, and doesn’t really love me, (which that can come out eventually in any relationship), then I am done.
    I have told him repeatedly that I will not stand to be with someone who loves me less than I him, or is less committed. He must be on a level playing field with me….have the same wants and desires and love me as much and be as comitted.
    Your signs of your husband doing all this personal improvement is a sign he is looking or has found someone. My husband has done some of those things too, BUT, again I know him and he has never let himself go really bad…just a bit and has always had the desire to exercise etc.. so for him to do it while gone is more time at home with other things and the kids while home. So, some reasoning may be there if you ask him why he is deciding to work out.
    Sorry to say though, the way you worded it doesn’t sound good. I still even have my suspicions, but mine is mostly regarding his comittment toward me, not that he is cheating at the moment….but that makes me worry he WILL cheat and he knows I feel this way. He knows I do not trust him and it does bother him. It is true, that with no trust the relationship is doomed, but I do believe that if the two are comitted again, the trust can rebuild. I don’t believe that once a cheater always a cheater…why? Because some cheat for reasons that are one time feelings. ONe time problems and they are truly sorry and would never do it again because it isn’t who they are. Then you have the ones who truly don’t care, are just a–holes.
    If you do not have any evidence, and can’t get any, then try this:
    Go on a trip with him if you can. Fly separate if you have to, meet him there and see what it is like for him…if he is nervous etc…or turns you down to come…or show up and surprise him…or show up and observe him undercover if you can…and if seen, pretend you are there to surprise him.
    And, if you can’t do that, then do your research on what to look for in a lying cheater, then confront him and look for those signs. But research first.
    Funny, my husband wants to go to a couples retreat for counseling and was told by another pilot to go cause it worked for him. I asked if the other pilot cheated, if that was their marital issue, and of course it was. No doubt. No, they don’t ALL cheat, but sorry, most do. It is unfortunate, but true. Men are like little boys and they will play when they can.
    I wish you luck.

    • and if you think he hasn’t had a one night stand when he went to the trouble of setting up a dating profile-you are blind and stupid… Men dont do that unless they want to get laid. One of my friends meets married men for hook-ups all the time of Plenty of Fish for example-she likes the lack of commitment, and she seeks out wealthy men, or men of status as a status symbol to notch up on her bed post. Your man definitely got his end away with some floozy

  20. Just like to add that in my post before this, I said there was evidence of an ongoing affair, I mean to say there is NOT evidence…instead I wrote “is is” evidence. Sorry, no evidence exists at this time…

  21. Hey ladies. I apologize in advance- this is going to be a bit long. I am engaged to a pilot. Last summer before we were engaged, he got a trip to Costa Rica on my birthday (he was on reserve at the time). I didn’t think anything of it at the time and went to visit some of our friends (a husband and wife that are both pilots and friends with both of us) out of state. He called me when he got back in the country, the day after my birthday I believe. “It was nice there. I got dinner with my Captain, yadda yadda. How was your birthday?” Nothing exceptional. Then, about a month later, I found some folded papers laying on our kitchen table. Naturally I unfolded them to see what they were and they were receipts from a foreign country. I noticed that the amount on one of them (which was an ATM withdrawal) seemed like a very large amount (something like 100,000 whatevers). So, I did some research on the internet and figured out that the currency was Costa Rican Colons. So, I calculated what that amount would be in USD and it was around $180 USD. There was also another receipt for a drink from a pace called Hotel Del Rey. Silly me, I did not think to google the hotel. I did however think that that was an awful lot of money for him to be pulling out for one night in Costa Rica. I know he does not normally spend anywhere near that amount on overnights usually. I was a flight attendant when I met him, and I don’t think I ever saw any pilots spend that much money on one overnight. I knew something was not right, but innocent me thought maybe he had gambled although that would be very strange since he has never seemed interested in gambling as he does not like to through money away. I figured I should ask him about it since it just seemed so strange. I went in our bedroom where he was sitting on the bed and asked “When you went to Costa Rica, did you and your Captain gamble?” He looked surprised and said “No, why?” And I said “I found some receipts on the table and one was for a big ATM withdrawal.” He got up and walked into the kitchen and picked up the receipts and walked quickly to the trashcan and looked at them very closely and then crumpled them up and threw them away. I said something like “Ok, whatever,” and walked away confused. So, my friend who I had visited on b-day came to visit me about a month or so after finding the receipts. She is a pilot at the same airline as my fiance. We went out drinking and on the way home I told her about the receipts I’d found and asked her if it seems strange the amount of money he withdrew. She thought about it for a couple minutes and was like, yea, that really is a lot! When we got to my apartment she decided to do some investigating on the net. She googled the hotel I’d seen on the other receipt, which for some reason I did not think to do. An article came up titled “Hotel Del Ray: Costa Rica’s Most Notorious Brothel.” We both about crapped in our pants. He withdrew $180 and went to a whoreshouse- that much I had proof of. It seemed pretty damn obvious what that implied. We read some reviews about the place and I wanted to throw up. Google the place and you will see what I mean. We were both in shock. Everyone we know has always said he is not the type of guy that cheats, so we just couldn’t believe it but it seemed the writing was there on the wall. My friend went on their employee website and was able to see the name of his Captain on that trip. She texted one of her FA friend’s at their company and asked “What do you know about Captain Blank Blank?” and that was all she said. The FA replied “Loser scab who likes little Costa Rican girls” without even knowing anything at all about why my friend asked about this man. It was a horrible feeling because I didn’t want to believe it, but all the pieces seemed to be fitting together. It made sense why he got all weird about the receipts. He was looking at them to makes sure I couldn’t tell what kind of place they were from. So, when my BF got home I confronted him by giving him the article about Hotel Del Rey being a brothel. It basically escalated into me telling him to get the f out and it was over, but of course that’s when the tears and real remorse came. He kept swearing that he didn’t touch any whores though. He said all the pilots go there when they have an overnight in San Jose and it’s a “tourist attraction”. It’s just “entertainment”. I asked him why the hell he would withdrawal so much money then and he said it was because he knew him and his captain were going to get dinner somewhere they’d have to take a cab to and he wanted to make sure he had enough cash because he didn’t feel comfortable using his debit card there. Yet he bought a drink at the whorehouse with his debit card. I said it was still a hell of a lot of money to withdrawal for dinner and drinks and a cab, but he said he had a lot leftover which he used on the rest of his four day. He seemed very sincere that the whores were nasty and he would never touch one. He said they got there and got a drink and his captain went off with 2 whores for about an hour while he sat at the bar and had some drinks. I said whores must have been trying to offer themselves to him the whole time, even if he kept turning them down because that’s what whores do to try to make a dollar. Oh, and my friend also found out this Captain was MARRIED but my BF swore he was going through a divorce. Wonder why? Wonder how many STD’s his poor wife or ex-wife or whatever the hell she is has. Anyways, he seemed so sincere about his explanation and remorseful about hurting me that I believed he didn’t sleep with a whore there and I gave in and let him stay. He swore he would never go anywhere like that again, yadda yadda. I haven’t really brought it up since then except for 3 or 4 one sentence comments when someone has mentioned Costa Rica or something like that. Obviously though, I haven’t forgotten about it. I REALLY don’t think he is the type of guy who would cheat on me, let alone with a whore, but then I think if that really were the case that he thought whores were disgusting, he probably would have never gone there to begin with. Why would he want to sit in a place surrounded by “nasty whores” who were probably rubbing all up on him for “entertainment” if he really thought it was disgusting? Am I like the dumbest woman alive for putting up with that crap. He also tried to justify it by saying his other pilot friend that I know pretty well went there before. 1) His friend was single at the time and 2) His friend is an a-hole. So, that didn’t help his case at all. Also, what does that say about him if he hangs out with gross dudes like his Captain? I really want to believe his story and that maybe he was just curious to see it. The thing that makes it hard though is the $180 ATM withdrawal. Maybe he didn’t screw a whore, but that sure makes it look like he at least thought about it. I haven’t had a reason to think he’s done this type of thing again, but then I’m sure he’s much more careful about what he does with his receipts! Ladies, what do you think? Would I be stupid to marry this man?

    • Michelle,

      Perhaps you answered your own question…
      “Would I be stupid to marry this man?”

      A friend of mine is happily married to a pilot. She and he were talking about all the CHEATING… he said ” there are two types of pilots. The ones who dont drink and the ones who do. When they are on their overnights , If they are drinkers they meet up and head to the bars/strip clubs/room parties etc, if they dont they go to their rooms(and actually come home rested i would imagine). When you add the the “opportunity” and the alcohol it is a matter of time. IMO

      And let me tell you this… The cheaters find each other. They justify ALL their bad behavour and make it YOUR fault, or the economy;s fault or the asphault… anything but take responsibilty for THEIR BAD CHOICES.

      NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
      They dont ALL cheat by any means.

      But when they do….well , have fun with that.

      Its real fun to find out you are married to an alcoholic , unfaithful gambler when you have a house and a couple kids.

      IGA….Infidelity, Gambling and Alcohol….

      Based on what you have said I personally would not walk away I would RUN…

      Good Luck
      okdk7

  22. Michelle Dear:

    You may never know the whole truth, and that is what is sad. Many men lie like little boys and when backed into a corner, they will lie as long as they can. This kind of sounds like what your man is doing to you. I am not saying he did anything, but he is not tellin you EVERYTHING. You are smart to be weary, and who your man hangs out with is a big big influence. I shall say this:
    He must earn your trust back as it has been weakened for sure. If he does not appear to want to do this, do not marry him and do no marry him until he tells you everything and is honest with you. If you marry him without that, your marriage will be exactly like what you are going through now…always wondering if he is cheating, or he will cheat. Make the changes for the better before the marriage happens, if it happens.

  23. And… before anyone has to chime in with “Pilots arent the only ones who cheat…” Waaa Waa wa.

    True.

    Good for the wife staying home. She says in the article..” I have children and grandchildren to think of…” so does he…so does he. Bet they are all so proud of GRAMPA now. Idiot.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1320510/Chilean-miner-Yonni-Barrios-wife-refuses-visit-hospital.html

    Sorry to go so far off AVIATION topic…couldnt resist.
    OKDK7

  24. I have heard many stories about cheating case of pilots yet I still follow my heart to choose my pilot boyfriend. He does not want to have the children. That make me feel more worried that after the long marriage life, when our wonderful sex life become usual, I will not have any thing to make him stay with me. LOVE, yes he can love me while he sleep with other women, right? I am not strong enough to walk out from the marriage life. He loves me so much and never cheated me before. I think I am not ready to become a pilot wife.

    • Girl of Pilot…. Are you dating a pilot from the USA ? Where are you from ? Give me his name via the moderator, ill may be able to tell you if he is single or not.
      for laughs check DONTDATEHIMGIRL.com search key word “pilot”
      THEY DONT ALL CHEAT… like any other walk of life,
      and the hand full that do give the rest a bad name and the good ones CRINGE when they even have to be in the cockpit with the ones who are… well, not good.

  25. My pilot husband of 20 yrs left me soon after becoming a Capt. He was not a drinker, health conscious and would talk about pilots he knew who were cheaters, strip club patrons, etc… He comes off as the all american guy. He would tell me we were best friends send me touching cards and letters on birthdays etc.. He did however occisionley show a mean side which progressively became worse. He did and said everything to everyone things about me that weren’t true so he could walk out of our marriage looking perfect and with saying I was crazy and an alcoholic he could bow out and would still look good.

    • Hugs to you Lee, sorry to hear your story. So similar to so many i have heard. Not just pilots … men who leave for whatever reason and then project all of THEIR SHIT onto the wives. A very typical thing for them to do. Create all the misery and then turn around and say those things about us. Ridiculous and so transparent.
      I would be glad to chat , contact the moderator for my email. Sadly im not on the internet too often these days. But i will catch up with you.
      Take care of yourself FIRST
      okdk7

  26. Does anyone else think this looks like a booty call ‘hook up’ site?

    Maybe just one to keep an eye on!

    http://www.crewdating.com

    • Selina… this day and age if they want to cheat there are hundreds perhaps thousands of sites to help them do just that. In my experience, when a pilot or any other man wants to cheat , they go with the first opportunity and the second and so on… They dont really need these sites. Well if they are totally fugly and ignorant and not terribly socially inclined they might… lol Whatever. Also, i imagine loads of healthy single people use those sites to hook up for sure… Good luck to all of them… Good luck to all of us.
      okdk7

  27. I strongly believe the industry changes people- those who are insecure get carried away and feel they are too superior. I married my bf after 5 yrs together. He was in the RAF – a nice normal, joe average guy. But then he got a job as a pilot a month after our wedding and moved to scotland to work but commuted home weekends/fortnightly. He changed almost immediately , became v selfish, opiniated and up himself. Only 5 months after our wedding I discovered he has starting having an affair with an air hostess – who had moved in to the ‘crew house’ in january – he had known her only 5 months. He admitted to this over the phone and refused to spk to me /communicate since that call 7 months ago. He also doesnt speak to any of his friends here anymore and has cut contact with everyone- living his ‘new’ life that he described as better than his ‘old’ life. Getting a divorce when you can’t even communicate with your husband is not easy!! The sad thing is I am not the only one who had started to see changes in him – he had said he feels like he is 21 again (hes 32). Thrown everything a way for this career and this woman who will last about 5 minutes!! He’s not the person i once knew.


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