Partner of a Pilot
The Candid Diary of an Airline Pilot’s Girlfriend

Stretchy wonder woman is about to snap

I feel like one of these stretchy rubber dolls; everyone is pulling me in different directions and eventually something is going to give! Even the inane Valium smile could be mine! I wear it on top of all the pissy expressions that I actually want to give off!

  • Work are expecting more and more from me… I am meant to be part-time, but my manager is about to start maternity leave and they have urgent work that needs doing. I would tell them to back off a bit and remind them of my T&Cs but my probation review is coming up and I do not want to seem inflexible.
  • Despite the fact that I am ‘at work’; the fact that I work from home, means that Bf cant seem to get his head around me not doing all the mummy stuff and make him cups of tea and meals (although in fairness, it’s not like he’s being lazy-he is busy working like a dog on the house).
  • Bf and I argued yesterday because I left Baby ‘alone’ to grab something from upstairs whilst talking to a client on my mobile (he was actually in the room, but had dirty hands from labouring on our house).   She had climbed onto a chair, and he was concerned that she could have fallen… I was trying to work even though baby was awake, because of the urgency and volume of the work I have been given this week; and the fact that I have competitors from other businesses working against me.
  • We are about to have building work start this week, and finances are tight, yet life doesn’t cease. The children still come home with various letters for school trips, and sponsored events, they still have birthdays, and generally bleed me dry of any ‘disposable income’ I would otherwise have.
  • They still have swimming lessons, tennis lessons, after school clubs, cubs and various parties to attend that require a taxi or chauffeur/chaperone service
  • My family want me to be available to ‘chat’ on the end of the phone whenever they feel the urge to call (normally when I am in the middle of working) and get stroppy when I seem distant.
  • The children still need me to sit and do their homework etc with them, yet I feel like I haven’t the patience to sit and listen to my 5 year old read about ‘Floppy the Dog’ over and over and over (I wasn’t into the Oxford Reading Tree books when my 9 year old was learning to read, so it’s like Japanese water torture this time around)!
  • The house looks like a world war has taken place here recently
  • I have a pile of ironing that frequently reminds me that it needs doing by periodically escaping from its overflowing basket in the cupboard under the stairs pushing open the cupboard door (to the living room) and casually dropping, uninvited, onto the floor as if to say “helloooooo, slack one, remember meeeeeeeeee? I’m still here!”
  • I still have friends that I want to see, and weekly meets with the girls and babies from my antenatal group that I used to (and still do) love doing every week; only these days, I find myself feeling guilty about the work I could/should be doing instead, and cutting my visits in length to achieve what I need to back here.
  • And my worst, having to try and be creative in the kitchen… What to cook for everyone, packed lunches to make… Having to plan this ahead for shopping. I actually enjoy cooking, but I hate thinking about what to cook, because I just don’t have the TIME!
  • All this at a time when Bf is here for only 2 days in the next 10. I hate summer rosters, I don’t think Bf is enjoying it much either, but at least he gets to have a nice restaurant meal in his hotel each night.

Normally I cope very well; but at the moment, having 3 children, a job that suddenly thinks I should be full-time, building work, etc, blah blah blah…

Well, I just feel like I am running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off! Lots of action, but achieving nothing. I feel like I am a Jack of all trades, but a master of none.

I feel like I am selling my children, my partner, my friends and family short; and I feel like a fraud when people tell me what a great mum I am.

The whole situation is rubbish. By nature I am a perfectionist, so this is just SO frustrating!

Even typing this has cost me valuable time that I can ill afford, but I SOOOOOOOOO needed to get it all off my chest; it was either this or screeeeam into a pillow for 10 minutes until I’m hoarse (and I’ve only just managed to get all the children to sleep).

I need some of the balance back in my life. I think it’s mainly work that is tilting me off balance and overloading me


2 Responses to “Stretchy wonder woman is about to snap”

  1. Despite the differences in the details of our lives, it sounds like you’re feeling a lot of the same anxiety I’ve been feeling too. It’s hard to be a mom, working, and fitting everything in around a mostly-absent husband schedule. My heart goes out to you. Good luck!

  2. don’t bother about it…do your well, and have faith in god..

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