Partner of a Pilot
The Candid Diary of an Airline Pilot’s Girlfriend

Things I lie awake at night thinking about…

I was unable to sleep well last night. I woke just before 2am-ish and managed to dose off again at about 4am I was running over a million random things in my mind like;

  • I hope Baby is better in the morning. I hate it when she’s ill. I wish I could be ill in her place.
  • I wonder if I’ll get back to sleep any time soon?
  • I wonder what time Baby will wake up?
  • It’s mad how many old friends of mine are having babies right now (start mentally totting them up, but give up when stumble across the next thought…
  • …An ex-friend, that I used to cherish, fell out with me a couple of years back. She had a genuine reason to be hacked off with me, but totally over-reacted and mishandled the situation; pretty much dismissing our entire 16 year friendship in a single moment over an unintentional accident… I was deeply upset about it at the time, especially as she accused me of lying about some things from my past that she had no business even bringing up! I was gutted that I had lost a friendship so easily, and even more gutted that she’d accused me of lying! Bf thought I should forget her if she could be so cold and callous towards me over a stupid, indirect error… She and I haven’t spoken since. Any way, I found out she’s had a baby some months back, and despite still being hacked-off with her, I can’t help also feeling pleased for her.  I know she really wanted a baby before we fell out. I lay there thinking I should send a belated birthday gift and card for her little one; despite the fact that she hasn’t bothered to remember my oldest son’s birthdays (she’s his ‘God mother’) since that day. I don’t know why… I’m not even convinced that it wouldn’t go straight into the bin if I did. Bf would probably think I was mad for even contemplating it.
  • I was thinking I should really check the Internet to see if I could get some copies of old Hed Kandi CDs
  • I was thinking I should book a doctors appointment to see if my 5 year old’s appetite is normal!? He eats vast amounts and is ALWAYS hungry, yet he’s not fat?
  • I must also buy him a new fitted bed sheet, he has a knack of somehow stripping his ones  from the bed in his sleep on a daily basis!
  • I was thinking about how stupid it is to have disagreements about petty things with people. Life is too short, and I would hate to ever have regrets about a silly disagreement.
  • I was thinking I should speak to a doctor about how cranky I have been recently. I wonder if something is kooky with my hormones?
  • Following on from the last one, I found it even more difficult to sleep. I lay in bed watching Bf sleeping peacefully, aware that he would be getting up super early to do a short flight…

I was feeling guilty about how stroppy I was last week with him-taking out my pre-birthday blues on him. I sometimes wonder how he puts up with me. I must have watched him for at least an hour, whilst I thought about all of this; when I decided to do something thoughtful.

I have a big pink heart-shaped post-it note pad, so I crept out of bed and wrote him a heap of silly little love notes on them, and a few that were just plain silly… I stuck them all over the house for him to find when he woke: on the bathroom door, the bathroom mirror, the bedroom door, the light switch, inside each of his uniform jacket sleeves, one in his shirt pocket, in his flight case, his pencil case, and the inside of the front door.

I also buy pretty hand made love cards whenever I find nice ones in card shops to write for him occasionally when he goes away on long-haul trips, but I grabbed the one I had in my drawer, and wrote him a lengthy message… Then popped it inside his flight case.

Then I crept back into bed and watched him for a while longer, before I finally managed to drift off to sleep again. I got a text on my phone at 9am when he had landed at his destination, thanking me for being thoughtful and said he’d be home at 11:30am.

I am determined that I am going to be a better person. It’s so easy to let a manic routine get the better of you-but it doesn’t take much to do something thoughtful enough to make the people close to us smile.

Mental note: I want to buy some fun/cute little animal pads to write notes on and stick in the kids sandwich boxes for school.


One Response to “Things I lie awake at night thinking about…”

  1. You know, it was so sweet & thoughtful of you to write those notes. I did it once with HB but it was way toooo long ago. Might do the same when he’s home. And the kids…. Why didn’t I think of that. Thanks girl for sharing. Yup, off to the store to get some cute notepads. You take care. Hope your little one is feeling better now.

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