Partner of a Pilot
The Candid Diary of an Airline Pilot’s Girlfriend

Funky Birthday

Well, Bf got a call from crewing this morning at about 4am asking if he would do a flight… Only a short-haul, and it was overtime, so he accepted it.  He’ll be back this afternoon… Which will hopefully give me the down-time I need to ‘get over myself’!

It will be my birthday soon; and I am dreading it… It is a big one (for me personally, though not for most), a random mental barrier, that I have linked to my perception of adulthood and realisation of life goals I wanted to achieve. I am counting down the days, and am in a bit of a funk about it all; because I do not feel like I have achieved the things I wanted to in life by this time yet.

It’s funny, I remember when I was younger that I really WANTED to be 22; not 18, not 21, not 23… Twenty-two… Why I couldn’t tell you. Just random. When that time came and went, it was just a number. It was meaningless. I have had far better years subsequently, so I know my expectations are daft. I know it’s just a number. I just cant make my pragmatism win over the old expectations I had.

I am taking this out on those closest to me. I know I am doing it; but I cannot stop myself.  I don’t want to be this way-for a start, it’s counter-productive! It’s not the number that is bothering me so much as my own expectations. 

I’m sure that it’ll all pass before my ‘big’ day, but there we go… I guess we all have our own quirks in life. We all tick along to a different rhythm.

I am feeling vulnerable and insecure at the moment; and Bf’s pilot logic doesn’t ‘get it’. He cannot sympathise, empathise or otherwise with me at all about it, because he would never have scary moments about something illogical like me. So it is causing friction; because I don’t deal with the little things as well when I am in a funk.


One Response to “Funky Birthday”

  1. Ohhh, I totally feel for you. My 3-0 is just a few days away. I myself do not feel old (though I do dread the number). What gets me most is if I’m turning 30, the youngest in the whole family, that means everyone else is even older. We are no longer the young kids to my young parents. Scary.
    Have a marvelous birthday! Get out there and do something that makes you feel alive or somehow edge closer to where you wish you were in life by now (which, btw, I think you’ve done well for yourself and accomplished a lot). Cheers to you, fellow big birthday dreader!! 🙂

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