Partner of a Pilot
The Candid Diary of an Airline Pilot’s Girlfriend

Cant live with him, can’t live without him-Living with a Pilot is a love/hate relationship!

In February, Bf’s roster was all long-haul. It was so frustrating to barely see him. When he’d get home, he’d stroll in looking ever yummier-with his topped up tan and relaxed ‘I’ve been on holiday’ attitude (apart from one time where he managed to burn his forehead, and it peeled (yuk!) We had 2 days where I teased him about how a-PEEL-ing he looked *groan*).

I miss him SO MUCH when he is away, and I don’t sleep as well, because I lie in bed wondering about things like: ‘what time is it where he is now? What would he be doing now? What is he getting to see now? Which restaurant is he at?’ etc. He texts and calls me, and it is never often enough or long enough!

But for March, he bid for no long-haul at all. He’s been given mostly a short-haul roster, with just one long-haul trip over the Easter weekend. I was thrilled at the time his roster came out… So why is it that I now feel utterly fed up with him!? Seriously, if he is home every night for a whole week, and even worse, off most days, it totally throws me off balance!

The whole routine changes for me and the kids, I can’t go to the gym as much, I struggle to keep the place looking nice, there are bags EVERYWHERE (flight case in the living room, bathroom bag by the bathroom window, suitcase half unpacked in our bedroom); I struggle to find time for my own job, and for me, the food shopping, and workload triples, and I end up wishing he’d just go away for a quick trip so I can catch up again!

I think that living as the significant other (wife/girlfriend/husband/whatever) of a pilot who works away a lot-forces you not to rely on them for much. I have ended up being so independent; that I feel stifled somewhat when he is home and I no longer have autonomy! I have to start factoring another decision-maker into the equation.

Bf gets quite hacked off with me at times because he says I always talk about what ‘I’ am doing, or what ‘I’ will do with baby, rather that saying ‘we’ or being less assumptive that he’ll go along with things. The fact is, I don’t do it to be rude or selfish; I do it without thinking because I am just so used to being the one constant factor in the children’s lives. He swans in and out to ‘work’ and I am left to glue the family together; which is fine-I genuinely don’t mind. However I sometimes get irritated that he thinks I should always be talking about everything in the ‘we’ term; because quite frankly-his chosen career doesn’t afford me the luxury to think that way. I am over it, so I genuinely think he needs to learn to get over it too. I do miss him when he’s away, but my life still goes on without him. We dont just take our batteries out and put our lives on pause whilst he’s out galavanting!

He even gets upset if I want to do something fun with the children when he’s away, because he doesn’t like to miss out on any of Baby’s firsts.  Yet, we all have to deal with the fact that he’s off on holiday, experiencing firsts without us, because thats ‘work’!  I did used to wait and avoid doing stuff with friends to accommodate his wishes; but over time, I started to resent the one sided compromises as a pilot SO, and thought to myself ‘actually no, I AM going to have fun with or without him (preferably with obviously, but I am not going to avoid life’s pleasures for him, when he certainly seems to have a ball). 

Any way, I digress, back to the point! This past week I have really felt suffocated by Bf’s constant presence. He has only worked one day over 2 weeks, and the first week was lovely, but this week I have felt irritated that I cant regain the equilibrium! I get days where it bothers me to the point of actual resentment, and we’ll end up bickering. Then I have to pinch myself and remind myself how I feel when he’s away, and how much I love him. I pretty much ignored him yesterday and just did my own thing, but ended up feeling so guilty that I gave him a big apology in the evening!

I just don’t know how to flip a switch to transition seamlessly from my ‘single mum’ lifestyle to the ‘nuclear’ family one… I’d love to hear from anyone else about their coping mechanisms for this transition-feel free to message or comment!


One Response to “Cant live with him, can’t live without him-Living with a Pilot is a love/hate relationship!”

  1. That is the story of my life! If you can find the solution to that one, bottle it up and send it my way!

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