Partner of a Pilot
The Candid Diary of an Airline Pilot’s Girlfriend

Aviation Family Forums

I recently read in another blog how another pilot wife was reluctant to post due to wanting to keep her thoughts less public… She was irritated by the tendency of a few partners to speak as if they were the authority on aviation, and in some way posting by proxy for their loved one. 

When I joined several of these forums, Bf said that he’d rather I didn’t write about company sensitive stuff online, as its not unknown for journalists to surf these sites looking for something sensationalist to use as material, and twist it out of context or blow it out of proportion; so I try to be mindful of that, but we haven’t got any horrid secrets, so it’s not a major concern!  She also told me that she felt there should be more to our self-identity, than merely being an ‘aviation wife/girlfriend/daughter/mum’ etc. 

I agree that it’s important to have your own identity in addition to being a pilot’s wife/daughter/girlfriend, or indeed just someone’s mum (in my case). I think it could be too easy to lose your own identity, when you identify only through a lifestyle you have as a result of your relationship.  Because IF things did go wrong-you would lose so much more than just your security or partner.  

I make sure I meet up with girlfriends at least once a week though, regardless of whether or not Bf is home.  Even if I don’t always feel like leaving him at home and going out, I make the effort and go…  Especially Since having our baby recently, and having to give up my job (childcare costs are no joke when you have 3) I feel that I have lost a part of my identity (the career orientated part).  It does us both good to know that I have my own life, and would not completely fall apart without him… 

Having said that; it is a definite part of who I am. How could it not be!? It is such a unique lifestyle that it naturally changes you, changes your perception of the world, and of what makes an acceptable family lifestyle. I am me, always have been, always will be. Nobody will take that from me, or mask it. I do not live in my partner’s shadow; but I have adapted. 

Regarding forums like Jet Girls, I try not to read the threads that irritate me, or get drawn into them. I have met some lovely women from these forums, but have not tried to inflict partners meetings on Bf. If these friendships blossom enough, as I believe some of them have and will, then that may be a natural progression (Bf already inquires after some of them and their partners) but like her, I wouldn’t inflict random meetings on him. 

I have found a great deal of comfort from forums though; as I didn’t have many friends who understood my life style previously, and had friends making less than helpful comments about how: ‘they couldn’t do it’ (live the lifestyle). I had nobody to talk me through my less rational moments (when my partner first started his job after training, and was spending a lot of time away. I do think the forums I’ve joined would’ve been a great comfort to me, and would’ve let me know I wasn’t completely mad for having those feelings, if I had found them back then.


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