Partner of a Pilot
The Candid Diary of an Airline Pilot’s Girlfriend

Over active imagination


I tend to wait up for Bf if he has a late flight. I’m not exactly a saint for doing so as I’m quite a night owl anyway, especially when Bf is not home, I dislike going to bed without him. Plus I think it’s nicer for him to come home to me when I’m awake, and he appreciates it.

Yesterday his flight wasn’t scheduled to land until half past midnight, so by the time he would be home it would be gone 1am, and he said ˜don’t worry about waiting up for me as he kissed me goodbye.

I generally do not worry about him flying. Even when he’s delayed. There’s only one time I did. I’d woken in the middle of the night, with a feeling of panic starting to creep over me. I realised that he should have been landed an hour previously, and although he was staying in the flat he had at the time, he always rings or texts me no matter how late/early he returns to when he’s away, so that I don’t worry about him.

I had a feeling that something horrible might have happened. I rang his mobile but it diverted to voicemail. So I didn’t really sleep until I heard from him.

As it turned out, he was fine. However he had been delayed because security in the UK had suddenly been stepped up after a terrorist bomb threat, and British intelligence that suggested that Al-Qaeda were planning to launch attacks on UK airports. The result meant pandemonium for British travelers as all liquids were banned from travel on planes, and all personal belongings in hand luggage having to be carried in a clear plastic bag for some time.

Ironically, when I turned on the news it was to see shots of the airport he works at, and the exact plane he had flown back to the UK! Although nothing happened I couldn’t help wondering if my sixth sense had somehow tuned in to the unfolding events somehow.

Last night, as it happens, I had decided to wait up for him any way, partially because I was still wide awake, and partially as I just thought it’d be nice to surprise him. At 1am I started to look at my watch, I knew he was probably only finishing off his paperwork and waiting for the crew bus from the plane, but I started to get the same tight feeling of panic creeping over me. My mind flickered back to his last words to me as he left ˜Don’t worry about waiting up for me” I imagined for a split second how awful it would make me feel if he decided to go out after work for a drink with another woman.

I started to let my mind get carried away, and was actually visualising him sat in our car with some random female.  Nothing too sordid, just listening to music, and maybe kissing her, it really tore my heart out thinking about it. It’s so stupid, as I knew he’d still be at work, but before I let my imagination get the better of me any further, I decided to ring him. It was 1:15am, and I decided he was likely on his way by then any way.

As it happened, he’d just left the crew room, and was on the staff bus back to his allocated staff car park. He was touched that I’d waited up for him, and couldn’t wait to see me! When he was home, I confessed to him the stupid scenario I’d concocted in my imagination, and he gave me a big hug and told me he loved me, and would never do something like that to me. I felt so stupid after I told him.

I’m sure a psychologist would over analyse it, and tell me that I have some deep rooted mistrust issues, but truth be told, that’s not the case-I do trust him.  I know he loves me. He’s had plenty of opportunities to leave or end it if he wanted to. It’s just hard being the one left at home, especially late at night, when you’re run down, there’s nothing to do, nobody to talk to (as they’re likely in bed) and it’s the time of day when I’m emotionally, and mentally at my weakest.

I know I’m not alone in these thoughts though, after speaking with other pilot’s women

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