Partner of a Pilot
The Candid Diary of an Airline Pilot’s Girlfriend

I thought I was the only one!


I recently read the blog of a a pilot’s wife, where she described her panic as her husband’s roster was changed, and he stayed home instead of flying.  She had plans for her alone time that were disrupted, and rather than be ecstatic that he would be home instead, it bothered her that these plans were compromised… It was so funny to read someone else having similar feelings to my own, I have often wondered what was wrong with me (or perhaps our relationship) that I’d resent the loss of my ‘alone time’ when Bf suddenly appears a few hours or a day earlier than expected!

Its not that I don’t miss him when he’s away, because I do, like crazy, and I’d rather he were home… It used to upset me terribly every time he’d go away, and he used to dread telling me his roster if it meant time away from base, because it would bring with it tears and tantrums… But you have to grow accustomed to this way of living, and having so much time without your loved one; and you do so by building your own life and routine around it.  It’s almost like leading two separate lives.  Its not something that I ever wanted, imagined or foresaw for myself, but you cannot help who you fall in love with, or what they love (especially if it’s flying).

When your routine is disrupted, it removes you from the comfort zone you build around yourself, and removes you suddenly and without warning from one frame of mind, and places you immediately and without adjustment time into your other mindset. Its about the expectations we have set up around their rosters becoming unstable. It’s hard to explain, but having realised that I’m not the only one, I’m sure other pilot partners understand where I’m coming from.

My partner gets upset when I ask him for plenty of notice of his away rostered times so that I can plan stuff. He thinks I look forward to him being gone! I suppose there is an element of truth to this now, though not because I want him gone. Just because I am not going to sit at home pining for him, whilst he has the time of his life somewhere else! I want things to look forward to as well, and neither of us could have tolerated my former reactions to his away time indefinitely!

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