Partner of a Pilot
The Candid Diary of an Airline Pilot’s Girlfriend

Alone Again

Well, bf has gone away for another week or so, ho hum… No where exotic or anything, just to the Midlands to work out of there for the week…

His airline over-staff their larger bases and seem to run at a barely minimal operating level at the smaller bases, that way they can keep recruitment at a minimum, and simply ship out pilots from the larger bases to work at the smaller ones on what I guess should be a fairly rotational basis… Though I’m not sure if they are in fact terribly fair with it, as my bf seems to be away in smaller bases a hell of a lot…

This is a double edged sword. To some degree I do enjoy my own company, and my time alone… So far this week I have made use of the time to visit friends yesterday, have another one over today (with her baby of the same age as Baby, my 17 week old). Tomorrow I’m visiting a Corn Maze with her, Lenny and her nephew, and my 3 munchkins…

On Saturday I’m meeting up with a group of other pilots partners from an online group forum am a member of, which will be great,

I wanted to meet other females in the same life style position, because it can be challenging at these times. At the moment it’s not too bad because I have lots of friends from my antenatal classes and post natal groups who are off work… However, in some months, most of them will be returning to work, as for most it is their first child, and its a case of needs must… But I have 3, and as bf is a pilot, I cannot go to do something part time, with the hope that he’ll be around to look after them, because his roster is all over the place… Whilst childcare may be an option during term time; during the school holidays, it simply wouldn’t be viable for me to go to work with the ridiculous childcare costs… Before I had Baby, the childcare for my two little boys was already in excess of £1100 per month! I just couldn’t earn enough to warrant paying it… The only option would really be for me to work from home.

Bf does get a lot of time off, more than most, but he works at least one day of the weekend more often than not, and this is the hardest time to be alone, because most ‘normal’ people are busy with their own families and partners at this time, and are less willing to make time for you… This is another reason I wanted t make friends with women in this same situation…

My partner laughs at the fact that we all chat online to one-another, and he and the husband of another wife in the group mockingly call us WAGS but it is so great to be able to chat to these other women, and share funny stories, similarities and also vent shared frustrations.

I find it frustrating when he’s away for a week… Within the UK, its annoying because he’ll ring me and say he’s finished work (like today) at 2pm, but we cannot spend our time together because he’s just slightly too far away… Then when he’s away somewhere more exotic I get jealous about the fact that he’s away doing something I’d love to do for nothing too… Especially when he comes home with beautiful pictures saying he doesn’t want to go there for a ‘real’ holiday.

I get friends asking me how I cope with knowing he’s lying on a beach with possibly 10 hosties… To be honest, this is not really the issue for me… Its not that I don’t care… It used to really bug me; he is drop dead gorgeous and I know that girls will almost certainly fancy him, but I do trust him.

We discovered that I was pregnant last August, it was unplanned, and at the time an unwelcome surprise. We were both shell shocked, and neither of us was ready for it. At the time, although divorced, I was still in the middle of a legal battle with my ex over the property we had owned, so although the relationship was well and truly in the grave, there was a shadow of it still hanging over us somewhat. Plus we had talked about having children in the FUTURE, not the NOW! We had wanted to be married and settled first, but all of a sudden, the planning was taken out of the equation, and we had to decide in the NOW, whether it was the right time, even though the situation was already upon us, and neither of us were even thinking about marrying or settling down! 

We had to do a lot of soul searching to do. I already had 2 children, so it would have been sooo hard for me to terminate one, but with that, I also knew what a pressure they can put on a relationship if it’s not ready for children. Bf was totally unprepared and in many ways too immature to be anywhere near the place where he would have decided to plan a baby. We talked logically in circles about the practicality (or impracticality) of having a baby, and agreed to have a termination; but there was a chance that it was an ectopic pregnancy, and if that was the case, it would have removed any guilt from the situation… I had scans and many blood tests to let me know, and in the end, as it turned out, the pregnancy was healthy… The sonographer even gave me a picture to prove it.

That sealed our fate really, once we had been given a picture of our baby, we could no longer entertain the thought of not keeping our baby. A year later, and here we are, I sold the property I used to own, he sold his little flat, and we moved to be nearer to work for him… A fresh new start for us all, away from both our pasts, to build our future together as a family.

This song reminds me of that time, all the agonising we did. It used to make me cry every time I heard it before we made the decision to keep her, and now, I just love it-one of the most emotional songs for me ever…

I love life here. I actually feel like a different person, even though I loved my career before, and my friends in the area I used to live, and had family nearby. I feel like whilst I was there, my past was hanging over me, haunting us both. Here, it seems like we have a monopoly on all memories past and future as being just ours.


One Response to “Alone Again”

  1. whew. I love this post. Our first was a very similar situation. James (as I call him on my blog but you may have already found some slip ups haha) was still a flight instructor when we got pregnant! We didnt even live together! I was a huge workaholic and couldn’t imagine being away from work. He made no money doing what he did (I dont know about UK but here flight instructors make shit pay), and we were terrified. He thought the ‘practical’ thing was to have an abortion, but although I tried to get my head around it, I said I couldnt do it and would take whatever licks motherhood brought with it. At which point he was relieved that he wouldnt have to make the ‘practical decision’… and here we are, almost 3 years later desperately trying to produce what we almost threw away!

    Isn’t life IRONIC!


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