Partner of a Pilot
The Candid Diary of an Airline Pilot’s Girlfriend


As some of you may have noticed, I shut this blog down for the past 11 months or so… I am by no means ‘back’ but I keep getting requests from people to view the blog, and I am open minded to let people read it if they so wish, and if it helps you in some way… Please be aware that I am not the same person who wrote a lot of the posts of this blog (one of the reasons I closed it)..  I was suffering with a lot of insecurity issues at times, and then I experienced a few things (3 close bereavements, severe personal health issues and life in general) that put life into a FAR healthier perspective for me.

My advice-take everything you read on any blog with a large pinch of salt!  I often wrote when I felt most emotional, which was certainly reflected in some of my writing and posts, but wasn’t necessarily a true reflection of my actual life as a whole.  If you are a pilot wife/gf seeking out comfort-may I suggest that instead of reading the anonymous spewing of random blogs; that you go onto pilot wife/gf forums where you will experience the self policing wisdom of crowds-MUCH more balanced and healthy than just reading one person’s experiences of THEIR life…

As for Peter… My regular anonymous commenter… I do know who you are now… If you happen to notice this is back-PLEASE DON’T EVER CONTACT ME AGAIN.


I found these on this site called Animals Being Dicks:

He MUST have tripped…

I have to say, I love the cheek of this little bird.  I am very fond of African Grey Parrots (I’m not sure if that’s what he is, as the one’s I’ve seen have a red tail feather), but he has an impish side to him which you’ve gotta love (unless you happen to be a tortoise standing near a bin)…

Herman grew tired of other penguins constantly tailgating him, so he came up with a plan that he hoped would actually backfire…

LOL! Too funny!

Happy Father’s Day Smart Ass:

That is one ‘CHEEKY’ monkey!

I also love this video that seems to be doing the viral rounds at the moment of a cat barking like a dog until it get’s caught by a human:


I have been feeling very down of late, and I wanted to post this quote to remind myself that perhaps my loss is just not something I can understand… Events in my life have rocked my faith, but whatever I do or don’t believe in… I do know that I believe in butterflies and nature, and I take great comfort from a quote that a good friend recently shared with me, which just happens to be the title of this post…


I just thought you might love this as much as I did.  It’s about the experience of buying ‘cheap flights’ on budget airlines.




I used to love writing this blog, when I started writing it years ago, I just wanted to write it for myself because I have always kept a diary and decided that starting one online was a natural progression.  I understood that some people might stumble across it and that a few people might read it, but I never anticipated how many would find it.  After a time, as I saw the stats counter start pinging around, yet had few comments.

I started to felt very exposed and vulnerable: a little bit like someone who was the victim of a peeping Tom!  I found myself wondering who my anonymous readers were… I deleted old posts that were very personal, or removed personal references and names of people and places.  Looking back, as the comments started to come in, I also stopped writing it so much for myself and couldn’t help but write it with the reader in mind; probably because I got a few particularly spiteful comments that upset me a great deal at the time…

Over the years I have grown a thicker skin and those comments don’t get to me anymore, on the rare occasion that I do get them.  On the flip side-I received a heck of a lot of lovely comments from readers who found comfort in my posts and are grateful for the fact that I have opened myself up this way.  I also got lots of words of comfort from readers when I have been down, which were massively valuable to me at those times.

I went through about 18 months where I felt very insecure about the aviation world, and that was openly expressed in my posts, some of which were written to lash out at the people who represented my fears and offered others the opportunity to do the same.  Two posts in particular invited people to turn the posts into what essentially became a name-and-shame forum or a space to vent about their frustrations and witch hunt people who were acting badly.  Thankfully, I realised I was on a self-destruct mission before I pushed the button.  I sought help in the form of counselling, read a lot of books about the subject, and started practicing mindful meditation as a means of shifting my focus away from worrying about things that may not ever happen in the future and accepting the aviation world as it is, and putting my faith in me, my man, and our relationship, rather than worrying that his uniform would define him and his actions.

The issue now I guess, is that as I started to evolve and grow, my old blog posts still remained.  I continue to receive comments on these old posts: comments that I can no longer relate to, from people that are still trapped inside the same dark place that I once stood. Occasionally it was like moving 2 steps forward, and then taking 1 step back again as comments came in to my inbox that echoed my old feelings or reminded me of my old insecurities and inadequacies that I simply don’t feel or want to feel ever again.  It’s not even as though I could stop reading them, since they are delivered to me personally as the blog administrator.  The comments that come in scratch away at fading scars of wounds that have since healed over, and  I don’t want to open those wounds again.  At the same time though, I dont want to deny the journey I have been on, the route that I took, or how far I have come along the way, but I just dont want to keep reading them ALL THE TIME!  It saddens me to think of how down and sometimes depressed these readers are, and at the same time, I cant save them all-some don’t even want to be saved.

So, the bigger picture is, I have changed so much since I started writing this blog, that I actually feel like a different person in many respects.  I haven’t wanted to write so much about the side of my life connected to my relationship since my focus and interests have shifted away from the aviation bubble, and I find myself wondering, do readers of a blog CALLED ‘Partner of a Pilot’ actually want to bother reading about little me?  The comments have certainly started to wane, but this could be because I am reluctant to be too open with my past posts in the frame?  Even if they do: Do I want to share myself in the same space as I once used to expose my insecurities and lash out in anger at the aviation world, or do I want to shed the old skin and move on once and for all, so that I dont have to be haunted by the past?

I feel torn between leaving the blog active and there to help others who feel they gain something from it, and wanting to remove my blog completely from public view or even delete the posts in question, or the entire blog, and start a new private ‘diary’ from afresh that will remain just for me so that I can be truly open, and explore my experiences fully and openly without a care about who might stumble across it…?

I don’t even know why I am bothering to write this here to be honest!  Maybe to serve as notice to you that if this blog suddenly disappears, you will at least understand why and not just be left wondering where I went or if something happened-I certainly don’t want people who follow my blog to worry unnecessarily.  Perhaps I will just leave this one post active and delete the rest from public view?  Jeeez, I just don’t know.  All I know is that as I have learned to focus on now, and not the future or the past; this blog’s hit counter is fast approaching 200,000 hits.  On an average day I get 200 hits, even though I rarely even post any more, and I am wondering whether I want or need this attention on my past life when I am so very different NOW?


I included the above picture to demonstrate the ways that one individual can be viewed stereotypically by a number of different people and perspectives. How we perceive others is subjective, that is to say that thoughts are not facts.

I often receive emails or blog comments, rants and pleas for help from pilot wives and especially girlfriends in the early stages of a ‘pilot relationship’ asking for my advice or opinion as if I somehow am a guru who holds the solution or truth about pilots… I am not, but I have been in most of their their shoes at some point, and I can offer some comfort I guess, because despite a few bumps in the road along the way, I am still very happy in my relationship.

Yesterday, I received a lovely comment from a new reader called Sinead that read:

O my God, am in love with this page! I have been reading it the past hour and have both laughed and cried! So strange seeing my own feelings and thoughts mirrored! Although my BF is far behind yours, he completed his CPL/ATPL in the U.S and is currently at home in Ireland doing his I.R … I really do hope that i can become more like you in accepting his work.. at times I’m fine and on top of the world.. and other times I am the most insecure person walking(and i’m not generally like that!) really really loved reading this though.. Thanks for the laughs! :)

Sinead – February 14, 2011 at 6:01 pm

I posted a reply to her under that entry, but thought that others might benefit from it too? So here is pretty much what my response to Sinead said:

Hello Sinead,

I am so glad that you have gained something from reading my blog… There are a heck of a lot of posts to trawl back through as I have been writing for several years now, but if you use the little search box in the right hand margin, you might find posts that are relevant to what you want to read.

Believe me, acceptance is a pathway in this life and not a destination… I still have days where I definitely struggle with Bf’s job, so please don’t let me fool you into thinking I am the Buddha of Pilot’s wives and girlfriends! I think I have just gained a different perspective overall, especially over the past year, that has helped me to put my life with Bf into perspective a little bit more when I do have my ‘moments’.

I think that really only comes with time, experience and trust… For me personally, it has come through suffering 2 significant bereavements, having a strong focus on a new career pathway and actively immersing myself into a course on mindfulness. I have come to the conclusion, that in life, we all have choices. I chose to be with Bf, despite knowing what his chosen career was… He chose to be with me, and continues to do so. I believe that it is because he wants to be with me, because that is what he tells me. Ultimately I have a strength that I own, it is not only because of him that I am successful or happy (although he adds to that of course).

Trust is a major factor in any relationship, but particularly in a pilot one. Initially in a pilot relationship, trust often needs to be given to that pilot before it is properly earned, because without it-the relationship would be doomed… You need to listen to what your gut is telling you, and if your gut tells you that your pilot is a worthy partner-they probably are-so don’t fall victim to people who sow seeds of doubt in your mind (we all have those ‘friends’ who love to plant doubts founded on their own insecurities). However, I do also believe that this ‘given trust’ has to be backed up too-and actually earned over time, and not simply taken for granted by the pilot in the relationship… It is only the actions of the pilot that will substantiate whether you ‘backed the right horse’, not blind faith.

I think that the key to acceptance of his job is understanding what you actually fear, and why, and then working back though your own factors to crystallise whether these fears or doubts are worthy of allowing them to cause fear, doubt and uncertainty in your relationship… For example, is it a fear of flying, infidelity, safety, trust, separation anxiety, etc… Then asking yourself why you have those doubts (e.g is it because a friend implanted a suggestion like ‘dont you worry that…’, is it because of a fear you have always had, is it that you’re bringing baggage into this relationship from a prior one, has he actually given you reason to have concern, etc). From there you can actually move forward and decide whether the relationship is a keeper, and this should help you to know your own mind and to filter out the unhelpful background noise

Ultimately you cannot control everything… One of my favourite quotes by an enlightened author called Rick Hanson is

Recognize that most alarm signals are actually not signals at all: they’re just unpleasant noise, meaningless, like a car alarm that won’t stop blapping. Don’t react to alarms with alarm; don’t be alarmed that you’re alarmed. (Obviously, sort out the alarms worth noticing from the ones you can safely ignore.)

Accept that life will sometimes be, well, alarming. Bad things happen, there are uncertainties, planes do occasionally crash, nice people get hit by drunk drivers. We just have to live with the fact that we can’t dodge all the bullets. When you come to peace with this, you stop trying – out of alarm – to control the things you can’t.

My advice is not to over analyse why he loves you, just accept it when he tells you that he does, because if it were not true-he has the choice to be elsewhere… If you allow uncertainty, fear or doubt to eat you up, then you will probably cease to resemble the person he fell in love with in the first place.

I hope that this helps?


I have bigger fish to fry right now than to worry about whether my pilot is trustworthy… But this has really annoyed me (you’ll see soon enough).

Just for the record. I couldn’t feel more loved than I do right now. Bf is being SO AMAZING and is being incredibly supportive towards me in the middle of what I am dealing with at the moment with my Dad being on his death bed.  He has been playing single Dad to all of the kids (not just our own daughter) whilst I have been clocking up the miles back and forth to visit my Dad in hospital 200 miles away (4-5 times per week) over the past month. He has been especially attentive to my physical and emotional needs and even cooked up a big pot of chilli for me and the kids to eat just before he flew off on his current trip in an effort to help ease the burden of chores whilst he’s away and to make sure we all eat something nutritious and home cooked.

He has been giving me lots of extra hugs and cuddles, listening and being incredibly thoughtful and helpful, etc.  So this has not ‘got to me’ because I have trust issues that are burdening me…  This has just got my back up on a much more basic level (complete lack of respect for others).  As any blogger will know, we get to read the things that our readers have typed into search engines like Google et al… I am pretty thick skinned, and what I see people searching for rarely surprises me any more.  Occasionally a half smile, or a roll of the eyes… Here is a brief snap shot of some of my hits from this week:

  • Partner of a Pilot
  • partnerofapilot
  • Cheat
  • airport scanner pictures
  • it doesnt matter what job you do. it’s how you do it
  • cabin crew and pilot stories
  • cheating stewardesses cheat
  • how do pilots wifes feel about infidelity (hmm… That’s a toughie… Are you a complete RETARD?!  Yes of course you are-you don’t even know that the plural of wife is ‘wives’)
  • do most pilots cheat?
  • virgin complaint letter
  • cheating pilots
  • airport scanners
  • pilots partner
  • airport scanner pics
  • personality of a pilot
  • pilot personality traits
  • pilots who cheat
  • okdk7 (one of the ladies who comments on my blog)
  • why do cabin crew hate pilot’s wives (little bit of a generalisation, a lot of pilot wives are actually ex cabin crew too)
  • girlfriend tsa scanner
  • new tsa scanners pervert
  • pictures of what airport scanners see
  • what is it like been a pilots partner
  • life of a pilot’s girlfriend
  • married to a pilot
  • life of a pilot’s girlfriend/wife
  • dating for lonely pilots
  • if cabin crew have sex fired? (the answer to that is no by the way)
  • partner of a pilot page 13 (Im intrigued by that one myself, might have to type it in)
  • spirit pilots who cheat (haha… This was a name and shame hit… Gotta love Google)
  • affair with airline pilot
  • do flight attendants cheat
  • my husband pilot cheating
  • partner of a pilot blog
  • unique relationships pilots (they most certainly are, true roller-coasters, extreme highs and lows-so pilot stalkers beware… Know what you’re getting into it’s not like ‘the Good Ol Days’!)
  • i love pilots (get a life, it’s supposed to be about the person inside the uniform, not the uniform)
  • airline pilot cheats
  • cabin crew cheat
  • flight crew sex party
  • scum bag pilot cheater husbands (uh oh, sounds like there’s a story behind that one)
  • the pilot who risked his career and credibility for a cheap flight thrill with an even cheaper hostie
  • married flight attendants cheating
  • pilots relationship reputations
  • virgin atlantic stereotypes
  • cabin crew parties
  • i caught my husband cheating by checking his emails now he says its over because i loo… (I couldn’t see the rest, but let me tell you my lovely… The ending of that should read ‘because he’s a dick head‘. Trust me, this little tactic is called ‘Attack is the best form of Defence’ and he is using it to manipulate you into playing a pathetic game where his transparent tactics see you on the back foot and him with the game play advantage… The aim of the game is to make you the one in the wrong instead of him so that you’ll want him back.  He’s too cowardly to face the consequences of his actions, so tell him to man up, grow a pair and get out.  If he goes then good riddance, but I imagine that he’ll be begging for forgiveness if he loved you enough to make you his wife in the first place).

Any way.  All this stuff above is pretty standard.  I rarely even bother reading my blog stats any more. Today for some unknown reason I did, I was totally blown away (and not in a good way) to read that someone had searched for:

  • “how to get a married pilot to cheat”

I had to read it three times before it would sink in that someone could be this bloody shallow and devoid of respect… That someone is actually ignorant enough to think they are going to be able to get some kind of definitive answer if they type something like that into their search engine only proves that they are a complete muppet!  Honestly, people like this will never be happy and clearly have some serious issues on a fundamental level if they need to type that into Google… They might as well have typed “I am a complete moron without any decent qualities or values, and I’m desperate for attention”

Any way, I’m guessing that like me you have noticed a few themes with the searches… Namely,

  1. a genuine desire to connect with others who have a shared relationship  lifestyle
  2. People who are completely sucked in by the pilot/cabin crew stereotypes and are absolute slaves to insecurity
  3. Sexual predators who have a thing for the guys in uniform.
  4. People with fears/intrigue about the new airport security scanners
  5. People who are actually looking for my blog! 🙂

Any way… To all those in the second and third categories… A word of caution.  If you go searching for bad news, you will find it in abundance on the Internet.  Simply put: if you stir up a hornets nest-you will get stung… Do yourself a serious favour, dont judge all pilots of hosties by the uniform… Because firstly, cheating is not a pilot ‘thing’… It is a personality weakness that is simply facilitated by the time away for anyone who is shallow enough.

If a pilot does happen to be shallow enough, then I can only hope it will be with one of these desperate saddos that fall into category 3, because clearly that wont lead to anything fulfilling, happy or worthwhile and they will just end up reaping reap what they sow, because in my experience, these category 3 desperadoes are damaged goods with low self-esteems, needy personalities (AKA pilot kryptonite) and a high propensity to ‘f*ck him over’ financially.  Secondly, you are probably not going to find answers to your questions this way-in all probability, you’ll just end up more wound up and have even more questions!

I wish someone had told me that when I did my little ‘freaking out’ stint.  I wasted a lot of time and energy making myself unhappy because I was looking for doom and gloom to depress myself with…  Do yourself a favour and TRUST YOUR GUT.  If your gut tells you that your partner is cheating, spare yourself the worry and heartache and either leave or get couples therapy to work out what isn’t working and what led you to this assumption.  If your gut tells you he’s one of the good guys, then ignore all of the stereotyping and insecurity driven drivel on the Web and cut him (and yourself) some slack.

Now, if you still want to waste time on the net searching for things to look at in a bid to waste time-why not hop on over to youtube and watch “cat in a box” or “Cat Vs Printer – The translation” Those put a smile on my face every time!


This story has really touched me.  The link is here, but to summarise: one of the Southwest Pilot’s (together with a ticketing agent) held up the departure of a flight so that a passenger wouldn’t miss his chance to say goodbye to his poor murdered grandson who’s little body was about to be taken to surgery to donate his organs to save lives.  This is the letter that this beautiful little boy’s grandmother wrote to tell her husband’s story

Last night, my husband and I got the tragic news that our three-year-old grandson in Denver had been murdered by our daughter’s live-in boyfriend.

He is being taken off life support tonight at 9 o’clock and his parents have opted for organ donation, which will take place immediately. Over 25 people will receive his gift tonight and many lives will be saved.

This morning, after only a couple hours sleep, my husband and I began to make all arrangements to get him to Denver to be with our daughter. He is currently on business in LA and is flying Southwest.

While his employer, Northrop Grumman, made arrangements to get his ticket changed so he could get to Tucson today (which he had to do in order to not spend any extra money) I called Southwest to arrange his flight from Tucson to Denver so he would be stepping off one plane and getting on another.

He has several free flights with them so I couldn’t really do it on the website. The ticketing agent was holding back tears throughout the call. I’m actually her step-mother and it’s much more important for my husband to be there than for me to be there.

In LAX, the lines to both check a bag and get through security were exceptional. He got to the airport two hours early and was still late getting to his plane.

Every step of the way, he’s on the verge of tears and trying to get assistance from both TSA and Southwest employees to get to his plane on time.

According to him, everyone he talked to couldn’t have cared less. When he was done with security, he grabbed his computer bag, shoes and belt and ran to his terminal in his stocking feet.

When he got there, the pilot of his plane and the ticketing agent both said, “Are you Mark? We held the plane for you and we’re so sorry about the loss of your grandson.”

The pilot held the plane that was supposed to take off at 11:50 until 12:02 when my husband got there.

As my husband walked down the Jetway with the pilot, he said, “I can’t thank you enough for this.”

The pilot responded with, “They can’t go anywhere without me and I wasn’t going anywhere without you. Now relax. We’ll get you there. And again, I’m so sorry.”

My husband was able to take his first deep breath of the day.

I don’t know any other airline that would have done this. The blog that first broke this story wrote:

I’m speechless. Twelve minutes many not sound like a lot to you or me, but every second counts when you’re an airline. Southwest can turn an entire plane around in about 20 minutes, so 12 minutes is half an eternity.

I shared Nancy’s story with Southwest, and a representative said the airline was “proud” of the way the pilot had held the flight. Again, most airlines would punish an employee who holds up the line for any reason.

I can only echo his thoughts.  I couldn’t help but cry when I read the story today in the Mail.


AND Shame on the bureaucratic jobs-worth security robots for not containing a single ounce of compassion or discretion to someone who clearly deserved a compassionate good-will customer service experience.


I thought I’d post this purely because it brought a smile to my face at a difficult time. It was actually sent to me by my Mum.  I do hope you’ll enjoy it as much as I did!   Supernanny needs to take tips from this airline pilot’s ‘How To’ Guide on corrective parenting…

Most people nowadays think it improper to discipline children, so I have tried other methods to control my kids when they have had one of ‘those moments.’

Since I’m a pilot, one that I have found very effective is for me to just take the child for a flight during which I say nothing and give the child the opportunity to reflect on his or her behavior.

I don’t know whether it’s the steady vibration from the engines, or just the time away from any distractions such as TV, video games, computer, iPod, etc.

Either way, my kids usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our flight together. I believe that eye to eye contact during these sessions is an important element in achieving the desired results.

I’ve included a photo below of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use the technique…



Ok, so I just saw this and I thought it was funny, so I thought I’d post it for you to have a giggle too… It is the Saturday Night Live’s ‘take off’ of the new ‘TSA Image Campaign’. I have written before about my issues with the scanner images in this post called: TSA L-3′s XXX-Rated Airport Scanner Pictures. The comments on that post have been both interesting and funny to read!

It is a serious subject, but seems to have attracted a lot of humour because of the invasion of the huge invasion of privacy…

Just in case you haven’t seen the images that the TSA’s L3 Millimeter Wave Scanner is capable of taking, here is one from my prior post.

Also, before you say they’re not too bad… Apparently the scanners pictures appear at a higher screen resolution than these!

Though not quite as high as this FAKE/JOKE picture that is circulating around the net:

There seems to suddenly been a lot of interest in the subject, if my recent blog stats are anything to go by… So rather than continuing to complain about it as I have done in both of my prior posts, I thought I’d join the band wagon and ridicule it instead by sharing another spoof from one of my favourite Aviation Comedy sites (Thromby Air) with you:

And in case you are interested in contributing to the poll from my last post, feel free to do so here:

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