I don’t need your attitude thanks-I have one of my own!
Excuse the following rant. We’ll blame it on my scary hormones. I am really hacked off with pissy people. I had a pissy comment from a reader who was on her high horse because she thought I had not deleted a comment of hers that she requested I remove ‘a few weeks ago’ (FYI I had in fact already removed it from public view). First of all, I didn’t write the damn comment, and secondly, I have been absent recently for several weeks from the blogosphere because I have been quite ill, in fact on Thursday night I thought I was going to pass out from the pain. I was alone with Baby or I would have asked Bf to take me to A&E! I’ve been deliberately keeping busy and trying to be upbeat by distracting myself from ruminating or focusing on negative thoughts…
Then today, I read a post on another blog which really hacked me off. I will not point fingers at the offending post, because that would probably make me as negative, bitter and aggressive as the author of that post seems to be of late; but suffice to say it has my blood boiling!
This person has written several eyebrow raising, judgemental posts, that have left me with bite marks in my tongue from the things I held back from saying as I reasoned that she was having a rough time… The thing is, we all have our own difficulties to deal with in life, but as time wears on there is only so far that my empathy extends when someone moves on from (understandable) self pity and sadness to blatantly wallowing in bitterness and being spiteful towards others for daring to have the very same thing they want – or just for being more positive about achieving it.
It’s a shame, as I really think that this person is capable of being inspiring and would do far better to channel their energy into something worthwhile, rather than leaving malignant comments that erode the happiness and dreams of others thin… Nobody is perfect, but it would be far more productive and fruitful to focus on the things that are good in their life, rather than only focusing (so seemingly aggressively) at projecting their frustrations into villifying others for getting on with their lives as best they can.
I am not responsible for your misery, so please don’t attempt to take me down with you. Hating others won’t make you any happier.
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Wow, you are nice – I probably wouldn’t have deleted someones comment for them – it’s their own damn fault for not thinking before they “speak” right?
Don’t stress your self over internet hate!
feel better soon!
ErikaJean - July 20, 2009 at 11:05 pm
Thanks Erika… I have just had a gut full of sponging up other people’s venom, so I thought I’d let off steam!
Partner of a Pilot - July 20, 2009 at 11:14 pm
So sorry to hear (read) you are having such a rough time atm. Hope the doctors are able to get on top of your medical issues and that all the mean, irritating and nasty people diappear from your life – your deserve better. Thinking of you, Jac
Jac - July 21, 2009 at 12:20 am
Thanks for your comment Jac
Partner of a Pilot - July 23, 2009 at 4:24 pm
Words can be so very hurtful……people need to think before they speak and definately before they type!
Karen - July 21, 2009 at 5:23 am
Hmmm. I expect you mean me!
I’m sorry you took my rant so personally. It certainly wasn’t meant that way. I use my blog as as vent for all the things I can’t say to my family and friends about how I’m feeling, as you know. Some days are just tough days, and I was having one of those when I wrote that. And it was also simply a rant against “smug” mummies and daddies – not ALL parents. So there you go. And yes, it was a rant, not a well reasoned post. You have written plenty of those in your time, too. I didn’t expect ANYONE to take it seriously, let alone personally…
As Karen pointed out, words can be very hurtful. I certainly am hurt that you felt the need to label me as “negative, bitter and aggressive” and “blatantly wallowing in bitterness and being spiteful towards others “. I really don’t think I’ve ever deserved those titles. I would suggest that you take a look at my blog as a whole again. I’d be interested to know what the “several eyebrow raising, judgemental posts” I’ve written are. And as for malignant comments… Which are they?
Flying High - July 21, 2009 at 7:37 am
I am sorry if my ‘rant’ upset you Flying High-it wasn’t only about you… I can’t publish all of my feelings about why I wrote it (a privacy issue) so I’m going to email a personal reply to you too-explaining my reasons in more detail…
Over time, I have felt a little bit like you made other more personal digs at me… I’ve often felt that you think of yourself as a bit superior to others.
I remember once in the past, that you made me feel very much like being a mother alone would not be good enough for you, that you needed ‘more’ in your life. You implied you could never be a full-time mum/house wife. At the time-that was exactly what I was-it pretty much defined me, and I felt a little humiliated and demoralised. I decided you probably hadn’t intended it personally, and that if you made me feel inadequate-that was my insecurity, not your superiority.
You also seemed pretty judgemental when I found out that my experience of infidelity… I remember you telling me that you thought I ’should’ leave Bf. It was not your place to do that, and it again made me feel rather weak and inadequate, I felt the need to defend my decision to you for not throwing away my relationship with the father of my child.
Your advice often seemed rather overbearing and judgemental when you made remarks about how to behave in pilot relationships that I felt vindicated my actions-and that hurt because you said those things despite knowing the full dynamics of my situation.
Re your comment “as for malignant comments… Which are they?”
I apologise, but I cannot go into detail about this, because it’s not my place to highlight something that wasn’t directed at me, but it upset me, and highlighted the way I also felt on occasion in the past.
I feel like you treat your problems like they are more significant than other people’s. I also feel as though you look out through rose tinted glasses at everything in your relationship. Maybe your hubby really is a saint, I don’t know him-but you never ever mention having been frustrated by a single thing about him or your relationship. I personally think it’s a little bit ‘Stepford wife’ and just can’t always relate to it. I adore Bf, but I have always been a warts and all person-because I don’t believe it’s healthy to believe or give out the impression that anyone is perfect. I don’t want to seem like I’m knocking you for this-as it is actually very sweet, but I do think that putting people on pedestals can be risky.
You asked me to site the posts that raised eyebrows. The more obvious posts are your ones about grammar, spelling and literature. Not everyone puts as much thought into their grammar/spelling as you do-The fact that they are writing at all should be respected… The way you wrote those posts seemed a bit snobbish: which was a shame since the actual notion of wishing people would open their minds was one I could relate to
I had a very bad day yesterday, and seeing your rant was the tipping point after a ‘drip drip drip’ effect-it was the straw that broke this camel’s back-and not the sole focus of my rant.
I know you say your post wasn’t intended as an attack on me personally, but rather on ’smug’ mummies and daddies-but your definition of ’smug’ seemed to be simply the ability to conceive, and having a pride in your child. I know you tagged it as irrational, but you also called it a ‘hatred’ which is a very strong word.
I know I have always been very open about my pride for my children. I have sometimes felt that you would rather your friends and aquaintances hid their children from you… You even said in one post that you had even deleted friends and rejected friendships on social networks based on the fact that they were parents or parents to be.
I just feel that you are alienating people (including me) over something that they aren’t responsible for. I have always had a healthy level of respect for you, which is the only reason that your comments actually bothered me. If my opinion of you was not high, I think that I would simply have disregarded them.
I think my post was possibly a bit of a knee jerk reaction, I do regret it a little. I do not want to hurt you, but I snapped-I wondered why I had never told you that some of your opinions had hurt me so personally. You seemed to show little concern for how those comments or opinions affected me.
I don’t dislike you, but I do dislike the way you seem to project your opinions and mindset on me as if it is the only intelligent mind set. Maybe you don’t even realise you’ve done it, but the effect is still not considerate or thoughtful, and can give the impression of elitist disdain.
Partner of a Pilot - July 21, 2009 at 11:46 am
I saw that blog too! I am with you. Going through a difficult time should not excuse unkindness.
Fiona - July 22, 2009 at 10:42 pm
THANK YOU!
Partner of a Pilot - July 23, 2009 at 10:45 am
I’ve read both blogs and comments and I’m sorry but I don’t agree – what was a simple ‘letting off steam’ rant (and yes it may be a little out of order but surely we can all see, and sympathise with, the reasons why) has been made into something far more personal by Partners comments.
I don’t think its right that people are jumping on the band wagon and taking sides. People should be able to air their views and opinions on their OWN blog without fear of a backlash – if you don’t like what they are saying, don’t read their blog!
Personally, I like reading both blogs and to me Partners musings are usually more judgemental (in my opinion) but i would never comment or criticize though (until now) as I feel that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. We all have our own little jealousies and things that make us insecure – thats what makes us individuals.
Sarah - July 23, 2009 at 8:02 am
HAHAHA! Thanks ‘Sarah’ (it’s okay I wount spill your real identity)… You didn’t just jump on the bandwagon… You tried to hijack it.. Fair play-and congratulations on a cracking effort!
For me this was personal which is why I was compelled to write something personal on MY blog… Comments are not only there to be an echo chamber of support for the author, it’s actually a wonderfully unique part of the blogoshpere that you can open up discussions like a can of worms.
This is a unique feature of Web 2.0 media like social networking sites and blogging. If she had wanted to ram her opinion down my throat without a reply, she should have printed it in a newspaper.
My blog was not aimed solely or directly at Flying High, I didn’t even mention her name or link to her post… Had I been writing a corporate blog critique I certainly would have done so. Flying High chose to draw attention to herself afterwards in the comments, so she’s really invited the interblogging backlash quite openly, hasn’t she? I didn’t even mention the specifics of what was in her post initially.
I am not terribly worried about back lash from readers. I am who I am and if people don’t like it, they are free to help educate me to their way of thinking, or as you say, they can simply choose not to read my blog. I have been attacked for a few posts, in particular the ones about ‘Stephanie the stripping air hostess’ in the past, and even received a threatening email from some stripping hostie stalker… I was opinionated about that-and I dealt with it.
I think people need to be accountable for their opinions, which is why, on the odd occasion that I write angry posts, they are always directed at something, or someone specific, and not just a massive segment of society who are simply parents for example. I know plenty of people who display ‘baby on board’ signs without being insensitive or smug.
I also know at least 4 people who told me they found some of Flying High’s posts very offensive (if you want to get technical the words they used were: ‘uppity’, snobbish, elitist, and snooty). They like you, never bothered to comment personally. I guess I reached my limit when she left undeserved negative comments which I thought were pretty soul destroying for another blogger.
Bloggers open themselves up to criticism by going public. If I was frightened of the heat, I would write this as a personal Blog and only keep it open to friends. Bloggers need to have a pretty thick skin, and I tried not to be vicious, I tried to be as fair as I could… Hence you will note I also made some nice comments abut the Blogger in question.
I did bite my tongue when she got on her high horse in this one http://marriagewithaltitude.blogspot.com/2009/01/why-cant-people-spell-and-punctuate.html
She even acknowledged it herself in a later post that she was being judgemental when she described herself as a spelling Nazi.
Does she not think about the fact that half of the blogs on her own blogroll list probably fall into the group of people she’s attacking? No is the answer, but we’re all supposed to either bite our tongue agree with her like nodding dogs?
Sarah, thank you for your comment, it is good to get a different perspective.
I too am getting tested for several rather nasty conditions, one of which will render me infertile and leave me on pain killers for the rest of my life, but that wouldn’t excuse me for persecuting anyone that is healthy now would it?
Like Fiona said (thank you Fiona) ‘Going through a difficult time should not excuse unkindness.’
Partner of a Pilot - July 23, 2009 at 10:38 am
I think you need to calm down. Flying High is one of the kindest, lovliest, most supportive women I have had the pleasure to meet. She has supported me through some tough times and I feel I need to stick up for her. Perhaps I shouldn’t get involved, but when I see a friend being slagged off by someone who really doesn’t know her (you), then I have to step in and say something
You seem to think that anything negative written on her blog is a direct attack on you. Get over yourself, I promise you it isn’t, she has better things to do with her time than attack you personally. If she wants to have a rant about infertility, smug parents, grammar etc, that is her right. You can’t go about policing the internet. You write negative things about people when you want to, so why can’t she?
Also, she never put you down for being a stay at home mum. She was merely pointing out that she felt she may want to work as well as having a child. Most of the women I know (myself included) after staying at home with a child, were climbing the walls with boredom after a few months. You yourself have stated in your blog about enjoying working again and gaining some independence.
Also, if she doesn’t want to tell her readers about every detail of her personal life, if she has an argument with her husband (I will say what perhaps she won’t, in fear for you branding her smug, that he is the most loving, wonderful, trustworthy husband to her, so what is wrong with her singing his praises? Jealous perhaps that she can trust him?)
I think you should take a step back now and get things back into perspective.
I know I’m probably going to get a nasty email from you now, or an total slagging, but to be quite honest, I don’t care. If you don’t like what she writes, don’t read her blog. Stop manipulating what she writes into personal slights against you. I for one won’t be reading your blog anymore. I’m sure this won’t bother you in the least as you have sooooooooo many readers, but that’s the only way I can make a stand against you bullying a very very dear friend.
S - July 23, 2009 at 11:13 am
S You’re entitled to your opinions. I have no intentions of sending you a nasty email, and I have no idea why you think I would send one?!
Also, you weren’t present in my conversations with FH, so I think it odd that you can speak for her after the event and tell me what she said or how.
I wish you the best with your upcoming wedding, and your future together.
Oh only one thing I really do have to take issue with is that I am not remotely jealous of FH on any level. I didn’t ‘criticise her for not being completely honest, just said that I am more open, and sometimes struggle to necessarily always relate to people who hide their insecuries in the closet, whilst projecting something very different.
I wont say anymore on that front… I was going to type something more, but have thought better of it. I don’t want to say something that I think might be unfair of me to publish. I think it’s lovely that you’re such a loyal friend to FH, but please try not to let it cloud the fact that you really have no idea what she said to me in private when you weren’t present.
Partner of a Pilot - July 23, 2009 at 4:00 pm
I think the point has now been well proved and the horse has been beat dead! The fact of the matter is that by choosing to blog, we all open ourselves up to everyone else interpretation and case n point obviously feelings can be hurt….I say enough is enough!
Everyone is on the defense right now and i am not going to perpetuate this any further, but i am going to say that “Partner” is also a very kind and loving woman and a great friend that i care deeply for, so if we are all going to start standing up for our friends this could go on for ages. There are times that all of us have blogged things that others may not like and in that respect EVERYONE in this discussion is right to a point, but now enough is enough…
The fact of the matter is that this subject has already been discussed individual to individual and what is done is done….There is no need for defense or attack as the individuals in question have already said their piece and dealt with the issue.
In fairness to “Partner” she never did say what blog she was upset about so in fact she never named names but made a random comment of frustration towards a blog…”Partner” had as much right to express her frustration as Flying High did so there is no point for this comment war to continue!
Please….can we all get back to enjoying each others adventures again!
Karen - July 23, 2009 at 12:56 pm
Thank you SO MUCH for your support and maturity Karen. I always respect your compassion and honesty.
Partner of a Pilot - July 23, 2009 at 3:06 pm
I second Karen!
May - July 23, 2009 at 1:34 pm
Partner of a Pilot - July 23, 2009 at 4:47 pm
I agree with Karens comments although I would like to add that if Partners post wasn’t meant as a direct attack at Flying High and her post about “baby on board” car stickers then it probably wasn’t the best of moves to add a big yellow flashing sign (in the style of a baby on board car sticker) saying “bitch on board”…..
regardless of who the word ‘bitch’ was meant to be aimed at – the link between the two bloggers posts was not a very subtle one!!!
Anyway, moving on – Partner – I am genuinely sorry to hear about the recent health problems you have been experiencing. I hope that it is all sorted out quickly for you. Fingers crossed things aren’t as bad as you understandably fear.
Sarah - July 23, 2009 at 3:16 pm
That is a good point Sarah, and well made… But unless you had already read FH’s post, you wouldn’t have had a clue what I was annoyed about. The word ‘bitch’ wasn’t only a reference to FH, and I did try to make that clear. It is possibly a bit harsh, but so was her post…
I had also had a particularly rubbish week-something I’m not going to elaborate on, because I don’t want to whine about my crappy health. If I use FH’s rhetoric, this completely diminishes my responsibility for the impact it had… No?
I guess it doesn’t, so I apologise. Thank you for your concern regarding my health, at least it looks like my condition probably isn’t potentially life threatening, which is what I had thought until this week-so I guess I am grateful for small mercies and should work on being at peace with pain.
My pain endurance has been considerably tested over the past few weeks, and my threshold for pain has raised considerably too… Maybe it’s not a coincidence that I am less patient with angry outbursts from others just now. Do you ever get days when you just want to tell certain people to shove it up their bum? Yeah, well, I apologise, I am much calmer now, and I do regret hurting Flying High, and I probably could have tackled it better, so I apologise to her that I didn’t approach her privately in a more appropriate way… But to be honest, the thing I said, I do still feel, and in that respect whilst I could probably tone it down I can’t take the underlying sentiment away.
I would really like to move on from this now… I want to stop allowing negativity from other people infect me… So I shall attempt to find something funny to post to stop this from headlining my Blog; and move on to something more positive and good for the soul… In fact, I was sent something hilarious by a truly amazing, strong woman I know, not remotely aviation linked, but it’s good for the soul to laugh!
Partner of a Pilot - July 23, 2009 at 4:21 pm
Big hugs to you Partner for all that you are going through….you know how much you mean to me so that goes without saying…Hang in there cause after tomorrow i am going to need lots of advice!!!!!
Karen - July 23, 2009 at 4:31 pm
Karen and Partner – You guys rock!
May - July 23, 2009 at 5:54 pm
No May….YOU ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :~)
Karen - July 28, 2009 at 2:49 pm
Oh my god, that was being bitchy? Are you like an upper-class English woman, cos seriously – you could have done with some “F”, “S” and “C” words, and a lot more “B”s! I suggest breaking things, and then blaming them on the kids as well!
theunaustralian - August 5, 2009 at 4:58 am